When Will It End?!

Listen, I know I may not speak for all women, but I’m ready for this to end! I feel like I’ve done my time. I contributed to society by having two children that are contributing members to society and the economy. I shouldn’t have to suffer month after month. It’s time for my period to end! Be gone already!  

Since the age of thirteen, my period has been a constant companion. If I can’t depend on anything else, she’s always right on time. Now that I’m older she makes her entrance a monthly surprise. She comes when she wants too, or not at all.  

It’s time for us to part ways. It’s been real, but enough is enough. I don’t want to buy another pad or tampon. I want to take that money and buy something else with it. I’ve been living for the day when I will be period-free! I believe the day I decided I didn’t want anymore children she should’ve went away quietly.  

She doesn’t go away quietly. She does her best to wreak havoc in your life before she leaves. She sends false signals that she’s leaving. Then she comes back with a vengeance. What kind of hocus pocus magic is this? Leave and leave now.

I’ve decided when she finally leaves and stays gone I’m throwing a party in honor of her departure! I’m inviting everybody! I’ll be giving away every pad and tampon that I still own, and I’ll even by some for party favors. My gift to those who still need them. My party will be a celebration to the entrance of menopause. I can’t wait!