Category: Real Talk

What’s the decision?

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Good decision making skills are essential. We all need to know how to make good decisions. Good decisions can alter the path of our lives. We must teach our children to make good decisions. Good decisions can be made using critical thinking skills.

We use critical thinking skills daily as we make decisions. What college should I attend? What should be my major in college? Should I date this girl or boy? Who should I marry? What brand of computer should I purchase. Should I have sex?The list of examples could go on and on.

We want our children to be critical thinkers. Critical thinkers make better decisions. Think about a time when you made a decision without thinking about the consequences. What happened? Did you make a good decision? What did you learn from the decision you made? If you could make that decision again, what would you do differently?

Teach your children to be critical thinkers because you saying because I said so is a 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩
Teaching children to be critical thinkers will assist them in making good decisions. You will not always be there to guide them and during those times you want them to make good decisions. Critical thinking will help them make good decisions. The more they think critically, the quicker they will go through the steps of critical thinking and make good decisions. There will be some life defining moments that can literally change their life outcome. You want your children to be equipped to make the best decision for THEIR lives.

To All the Motherless Children

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My mother passed on November 21, 2017; and since that day my life has not been the same. If I try to explain how I feel, most people do not understand. The ones that immediately understand how I feel are other motherless children.

I was reading a quote that helped me understand the significance of being without my mother.

This quote sums up the significance of what we have lost. No one can love us the way our mothers loved us. No one can quite forgive us the way our mothers forgave us. No one can support us the way our mothers supported us. These are just some of the benefits of having a living mom.

I am a mom and I love being a mom. I love receiving gifts from my husband and children on Mother’s Day. I can admit that I push through Mother’s Day and I do sometimes think come on Monday! Mother’s Day is not the same because my mother is no longer present for me to show her my appreciation.

I realize that we can still celebrate our moms by appreciating the values they instilled in us. We can remember the good times and may even chuckle at some of the things we remember about our moms. We can celebrate other significant women in our lives for being great moms. We can choose to live in these moments just as our mothers would want us to. We can honestly share our feelings about Mother’s Day and not hide our feelings to make others feel comfortable.

We were raised by awesome women! Women who placed their awesomeness in us. Let’s continue to make our moms proud by living our best lives! Yes, we will continue to miss them and will still have moments of grief, and we should not be ashamed of those feelings. Embrace those feelings so we are not consumed by those feelings, and then think about what our mothers would expect us to do and do it.

Corona Chronicles – You Can Have These 9 Symptoms That Suck!

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In July I wasn’t feeling well. What started as a slightly sore throat turned into a cough. The cough became so bad that my side hurt from coughing. I saw a doctor via video and she said, “It sounds like you may have bronchitis. I can’t give you any antibiotics until you are still coughing and sick for five more days. In the meantime, just as a precaution, I want you to take a COVID test.”

I believed it was probably bronchitis because I had these same symptoms years ago with a previous bout with bronchitis. The next day I was tested for COVID. As the days went by I became sicker. I begin to have trouble focusing while doing my job and completing assignments for my PhD classes. I was nauseous, vomiting and I had gastrointestinal issues. I was very tired and soon everything I tasted was nasty (even water) and the only smell I could smell was an ongoing burning smell.

It took ten days to receive my COVID test results and my results showed I had tested positive for COVID. I continued to feel horrible. I cried a few times because I felt so bad. I was sick sick! The symptoms were the same symptoms experienced with a cold, the flu and bronchitis. However, those same symptoms with COVID were worse than I have ever experienced. I would not wish COVID on anyone!

I was able to quarantine and recuperate at home. I’m thankful that I didn’t have to to be admitted to the hospital or be placed on a ventilator. COVID should not be taken lightly because it is serious. I know others that have battled COVID and survived, and I know others that have died as a result of COVID.

It took a good three weeks before I begin to feel like myself. Even though my primary care doctor said I didn’t have to take another COVID test, I took one to help me feel comfortable around others. My COVID test result showed I was negative for COVID!

Even though I was negative for COVID, my battle is not over. So many people are experiencing various after COVID symptoms that have led to life changing illnesses. I still have difficulty focusing. I don’t know if it will just get better or if I will need a medication to help me focus. The best way for me to demonstrate how difficult focusing has become is to share a recent situation.

For my PhD classes, but have to read multiple articles. The average article length is 20 pages. I was reading an article and I struggled throughout the article. It took me about three hours to read ten pages! I cried because this is new for me. Even with this lingering issue, I will not be defeated. I will have the victory over this difficultly focusing because God is in control! He has never let me down and He will equip me to be victorious!

I’m choosing to share my experience because COVID symptoms can be different for each person. I never had a fever, which has been one of the consistent symptoms that is shared concerning COVID. I did what we were told to do to lessen our risk of exposure and somewhere, somehow I was exposed. I’m sharing because it can happen to you. I’m sharing because if you test positive for COVID, I don’t want you to beat yourself up. I want your focus to be on getting well. I want you to be able to say I had COVID, but I beat it!

It is Systemic!

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Most people do not understand the depth of systemic racism and how it is embedded in every organization in this country. Let’s look at the latest news of the shootings and the killings this past weekend in Chicago. Any shootings in Chicago somehow become front page news everywhere.

The stories are written in a manner to let you know the shootings happen in a predominately Black neighborhood. As big as Chicago is the media would want us to believe that there were only shootings in predominately Black neighborhoods this weekend. The truth is violence doesn’t just happen in predominately Black neighborhoods. No neighborhood is exempt from violence.

The violence that happens in Black neighborhoods is the news that makes a good headline story. Also, consider those doing the shootings don’t always live in the neighborhoods where they are shooting. When you see or read the news about these shootings, what do you think about the people that live in those neighborhoods?

The news is designed to make you think negatively about Black people. If the media wasn’t designed to have us think negatively about Black people, we would receive a balanced news report. The good things that are happening in Black neighborhoods would be just as prevalent in the news. The good news stories are few and far between and are not given as much air time as the negative news stories.

The people in Black neighborhoods are not as silent as they were in the past. People do speak up. People are going to jail for these shootings, but we rarely hear about this.

When the news is about predominately White people, we are not given context clues to let us know where the violence happened. We don’t quickly receive a picture of the offender. There are always excuses as to why the person did what they did. The offender is painted as the good boy or girl that has some mental issues or he or she is going through some difficult times.

Please be a critical thinker as you listen or read the news. If you don’t you will think negatively about Black people that happen to live in the neighborhoods where shootings occurred, and you will say some of the same biased, racist remarks that others say about Black people.

I’m Tired!

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Almost every time another Black man is murdered, I think about when the Harvey police pulled my son over and pointed their guns in his face! He had done nothing wrong. He had just left Ingalls from visiting his dad after his dad’s surgery.

I think about how they could’ve murdered my son for nothing!! We would’ve probably never found out what really happened because folks were not recording like they are today. They would’ve tried to paint my son as a criminal. God protected my son that day!!

I have been mostly reflecting and not doing a lot of talking about what people should or should not be doing. I don’t have the answers and neither do you.

I know I’m tired! I’m tired of Black people being murdered by police. I’m tired of encountering racist behavior from others. I’m tired of white privilege. I’m tired of us being mistreated because of the color of our skin. I’m tired of having to navigate through this world in defensive mode ALL THE TIME!

I’m tired of folks who sit on high horses like they do everything right and use their platform to bash others for the choices they make. I’m tired of folks comparing what’s happening to the crime that happens in communities. It’s not the same! If I kill someone, I’m going to jail. Police don’t seem to have that same understanding.

I’m tired of folks want to speak out about how wrong the rioting is, but didn’t speak out about a Black man being murdered. I’m tired of folks who love Black culture, but don’t like Black people. I’m tired of these protest calisthenics: make your profile picture Black, don’t buy anything on this day, boycott this company, cancel this person and NOTHING has changed!

Black people are still being murdered by police, Black people are still being murdered by the local neighborhood racists, companies are still producing racially insensitive advertising and products, we are still being followed around stores, we are still being questioned about why we are in certain spaces, we are still being falsely accused and imprisoned, and we are still having to fight to wear the hair that grows out of our heads! I AM TIRED!

Reflections (2019)…

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Rejection – I have experienced several rejections in my professional life. Rejections that I still don’t fully understand why I was rejected, but God knows why I was rejected.

Great personal loss – A few people that impacted my life I didn’t expect to be gone are gone. It still doesn’t seem real that they are gone. I’m so grateful that these folks left their imprint on my life and will forever be missed.

Difficult decision – I had to make a difficult spiritual decision that I didn’t foresee having to make. If I would’ve been told in 2017 or 2018 that this decision would be made in 2019, I would not have believed it.

New life – Excited about my next grand-baby!

Fifty – I turned 50! I see this age as new beginnings, new experiences, and new goals.

Finishing what I started – I started working on my PhD and then had to stop. I had resigned myself to never completing my PhD – but God! 2020 will include me beginning to finish what I started!

This year has been filled with the good, the bad and the ugly. Some things were set up to knock me down. I stumbled and tripped, but I didn’t fall! Some things were set up to destroy me l, but I was not destroyed! I know that God protects and cares about me. God favors me and is expecting great things from me!

Forward!

Book Review – How To Be An Antiracist

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Racist – One who is supporting a racist policy through their actions or inaction or expressing a racist idea.

Antiracist – One who is supporting an antiracist policy through their actions or expressing an antiracist idea.

The above definitions of racist and antiracist from Kendi’s book were interesting to me and helped me understand how detrimental racism is in our world. We don’t want to accept it, but it’s true that the very foundation of America is built on racism. There are laws that still exist that were established to block the progress of minorities.

I have read other books that discuss racism. However, I like how the author traced his own growth throughout the book. The author was able to tell life defining stories of his own to bring to life the various categories of racist in the book. When the author discussed combating racism in the same manner that we combat cancer, this resonated with me. We have to be willing to kill racism at the root, and to kill something at the root most of the time requires a surgical procedure. We have to ask ourselves what are we willing to do to root out racism.

I would encourage anyone who wants to be a better human being to read this book.

Living My Best Life!

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I started the morning of Chapter 50 eating breakfast with family and friends. I want to thank you for all the birthday wishes that were received in every form.

I wanted to go somewhere that was on my bucket list of places to go and never been before for my 50th. NOLA was my choice. I wanted to celebrate with my family and friends. Everyone couldn’t make it, but I’m having a blast with everyone that was able to make it.

I’m excited about my future. This birthday has been one of my best! I received one of the best gifts ever! Fifty looks good on me. I mean I do look good period! Here me roar – ROAR!! I love me – flaws and all. My theme this entire year is BETTER! Every day I’m striving to be BETTER.

I have another item I want to check off my bucket list this year – learning to swim. I’ll be finding a class to help me on my quest to be BETTER!

PS – LEO SEASON IS NOT OVER💁🏽‍♀️💁🏽‍♀️☺️☺️

Marriage Is A Triathlon – Not A Sprint!

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Recently, I was watching a video about training for a triathlon. A triathlon is a race that is split into three different activities: swimming, biking and running. Let me provide my disclaimer that I’m not ready for a triathlon. First, I have to learn how to swim. Learning how to swim is on my 2019 bucket list.

Back to triathlon training. I was curious about the preparation for a triathlon. After watching the video, I realized that preparing for a triathlon is similar to preparing for a lasting marriage. Let me explain.

You can’t just wake up one morning and go complete a triathlon! There’s some preparation involved. That preparation requires commitment. You have to decide to train so many times a week in preparation for the triathlon. Marriage takes commitment. You have to take your vows seriously and be committed to demonstrating your vows by your actions.

A triathlon requires dedication. There will be some days you don’t feel like training. There will be some days you would rather be spending your time doing something else. There will be days you won’t like training. However, you have to train anyway and remain dedicated to being prepared for the triathlon.

Marriage requires dedication. There will be some days that you don’t want to be married. There will be some days you don’t like your spouse. There will be some days you would rather be doing something else. When those days come and trust me they will, you have to remain dedicated to your marriage.

A triathlon requires some essential gear: a bike, helmet, shoes, swimming cap, goggles and a trisuit to name a few. Without the essential gear, you hinder your chances of doing your best. You want to do your best.

There’s some essential marriage gear: love, good communication, good sex, honesty, God and prayer to name a few. If you don’t have the essential marriage gear, it will be difficult to have a lasting marriage. Essential marriage gear is necessary and beneficial to a good marriage.

A good marriage deserves a good foundation. A good foundation begins with commitment, dedication and the essential gear. Are you ready for your triathlon?

If You’re the Toxic Friend and You Know It, Clap Your Hands!

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Recently, one of my friends asked this question on Instagram: “How do you know who is toxic?” My short response was you bring their toxic ways to their attention and they don’t try to change their ways. You find yourself in a constant struggle of not talking to them for awhile versus talking to them on a regular basis. It seems they act better after a hiatus, but alas their old toxic self shows up!

I used to believe toxic people didn’t know they were toxic. However, as I’ve matured I recognize they know their toxic and they don’t care. You know why they don’t care? They don’t care because they have the number one characteristic of a toxic person – they are selfish!

Their selfish ways show up constantly. Every activity has to revolve around them. Every conversation has to revolve around them, or they make the conversation about them.

You call the toxic person to vent about something you’re going through and this is how the conversation goes: First, they compare what you’re going through with something they have went or are going through. Then, somehow the conversation turns to be all about them! After you finish the conversation, you feel worse than you felt before you called them.

Another characteristic of toxic people is they are always the victim. Someone is always doing them wrong. They don’t do anything to anyone. They mind their business 🙄🙄. You know these are all lies because you know this person! They never take responsibility for their actions.

Then, toxic people like to monopolize your time. They want to be your ONLY friend. They don’t get along with any of your other friends. As a result, you can’t invite them to group outings. The toxic person not getting along with your other friends is their way to monopolize your time.

Furthermore, toxic people are users. Most of the time you interact with them, they need something. If you analyze your relationship, you will notice the toxic person always wants something from you. The relationship seems to always be you giving and the toxic person always taking.

Finally, another classic toxic person characteristic is they are never happy for you. If you tell them about your new job, they have to mention they wanted to work for that company and they didn’t get the job. They say you must know someone that works at the job. When you tell them about your financial increase, they have to mention how they need the increase more than you need the increase.

Toxic people leave you feeling drained surrounded with negativity. Their words and actions make you question your self-esteem and worth. The reality is the relationship is built on a foundation of jealousy. You may be wondering can any good come out of this relationship?! Yes, it can!

Here’s the good: As you grow and mature, you recognize toxic relationships have no place in your circle. You recognize there is nothing wrong with severing toxic ties and moving on with your life. You will more quickly identify toxic people before you have invested your time and energy in them.

If you read this post and recognize yourself, you are the toxic friend so clap, clap! Now that you see yourself, what are you going to do about it?

For those that have or have had toxic friends, how did you determine your friend was toxic? What did you do about it? Let’s talk about it.