Category: Character

Negative Nellies

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Negative Nellies

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We all know them, and may even consider some of them our friends.  We have some in our families, on our jobs and we encounter these type of people in our daily lives – Negative Nellies!  Negative Nellies seem to embody negativity.  No matter what you say positive, they will counter with something negative.

I had a conversation with my niece yesterday, and she was excited about applying for a job in a different career field.  This particular position offers more money and will require working some hours she has not previously worked.  She shared her excitement with two of her friends, and her friends had only negative comments to share.  The friends didn’t share anything positive or even attempt to encourage her in her quest for a different career path.  She contacted me and I encouraged her.

If we are not careful Negative Nellies can drain all of our positivity, and cause us to question our choices. Eventually, we could become a member of the Negative Nelly group.  What can we do to rid ourselves of Negative Nellies?

  • Confront negativity – be willing to have a constructive conversation with the Negative Nellies in your life that will hopefully lead to a positive change in their negative talk.
  • Use affirmations and positive quotes to assist in maintaining your positivity.
  • Be willing to make the difficult decision to remove Negative Nellies from your circle.

Are you ready to remove the Negative Nellies from your life?  It won’t be easy, but I believe you can do it!

Racism & Hatred

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Last night there was breaking news of a church shooting in Charlotte with little details.  This morning we wake up to the awful reality that a young, White man decided to enter a church, and after sitting for an hour (the unconfirmed report) stood up and allegedly said “I came to shoot Black people” and proceeded to do just what he said he came to do.  This is a horrific display of racism and hatred!

Since this tragedy, the above picture has bee my face.  I can’t bring myself to smile.  I must admit I am angry and said to a few people via text, I don’t want to look at any White people today! I know my coworkers haven’t done anything to me, but this was my genuine feeling.  It took me awhile to focus on my daily work.  I couldn’t stop thinking about the senselessness of this crime. I felt like those murdered where my family. 

I already knew the media would portray this young man as having a mental issue.  Just look at the pictures being posted of him.  The pictures make him look disturbed.  The media wants to induce us into a coma of believing this was simply a mentally disturbed young man, who just randomly went into Mother Emanuel AME Church last night.  However, that’s not true!! A young man, who hated Black people, chose a Black Historic landmark in Charlotte to display his hatred.

We are living in turbulent, traumatic times and we need to stop drinking the arsenic laced kool-aid that says racism is dead, and we have proof because we have a Black president.  Our children can go anywhere they want and be anything they want to be in life.  The only thing holding Black people back is their laziness and they want a handout!  Hogwash!  Have you viewed the news lately?  Have you read any articles lately?  Have you read any racist social media post lately?

Racism is alive and well, and racists are showing and telling us every day just how they really feel and we have some that are willing to even kill us to prove how much they hate us.  Wake up people!  We have work to do!

What’s In Your Bag?

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I know.  I know.  You don’t have to say it.  I carry a bookbag to work.  I was doing so good with minimizing the number of lipglosses/lipsticks that were in my bag.  I don’t even know when it happened, but it did. I’m no longer minimizing.  I mean I may change my mind about the lippie I want to wear, so a girl needs choices, right?

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We won’t even discuss the ones that’s not in my bag or the other “stuff” that’s in my bag, but I will say I can be entertained for hours.

When I look in my bag, I recognize several truths about myself:

1.  I love lipgloss and lipstick.
2.  I love to read.
3.  Technology is my friend.
4.  I love to read.

What does the stuff in your bag say about you?

Loss – In Three Parts

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Damaged Heart

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 It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything. Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

When we think of the word loss we immediately think something negative has happened, or something negative is going to happen. These thoughts have some truth. However, have you ever paused to fully analyze who you are because of the loss?

Loss doesn’t always have to be negative. There are times loss compels us to change things about ourselves and our lives. Loss can cause us to reassess our character and change for the better. Loss brings others into our lives that we may have never known cared about us, or that we could help.

When we suffer loss, we have two choices: succumb to the loss or fight! A loss requires us to fight for our lives, families, beliefs and values. A loss will help you see who you really are, and determine if you’re happy with the reflection you see in the mirror.

Take a moment and reflect: what did you learn from the loss? What did you learn about yourself from the loss? How are you better today? Who have you helped because of what you learned from your loss?

Hope Prevails!

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I signed up for a blogging challenge:  Building a Blogging Habit.  My first challenge is to free write for twenty minutes.  Free writing is beneficial in expressing yourself and just allowing your thoughts to flow.  I want to write on a more consistent basis because I have a lot to say.  I’m always thinking about something and have something to say about everything that I read.  Recently, I have been beyond shocked by the number of young people committing violent crimes.  I wonder what could go so wrong in a person’s mind that he or she thinks it is okay to attack others.  I know I will probably never find the answer, but I still think about it.

Two stories stood out to me:  the recent killings by the young man in California and a story I read today about two 12 year-old girls that plotted to attack another 12 year old.  The young man in California wanted vengeance and decided to be the source of retribution.  He took the time to write an entire manifesto about his intentions.  The young girls led another young girl to the woods, on the premise to play, and one held her down and the other stabbed her 19 times!  I can’t fathom the level of insanity in these young people’s thoughts.  I am not saying their crazy, but I am saying their thoughts were crazy.  How did they think this would end?  How could they think their actions made sense?  These are just two of the stories that have troubled me.

These stories cause me to pause and think of the world that my granddaughter will experience her childhood.  Her childhood is so different from her dad’s.  Her dad could go to the park and I believed he would make it home safely.  My granddaughter has to be supervised.  Not just because of her age, but because of pedophiles and predators.  The people who lay in wait to wreak havoc on others.  Because of these people, no one is safe.  This lack of safety manifests itself in our daily actions.  We have to always be aware of our surroundings and take precautions all the time.  We can do everything right and still can be a victim.  This harsh reality could cause us to feel hopeless, and decide to be a hermit.

However, I refuse to allow predators and pedophiles to dictate my life! I will not leave in fear because I am confident in the one that is still in control.  I know you may be wondering who I am talking about.  I’m talking about God.  He is still in control!  He holds my destiny in his hand.  He is concerned about me and this comforts me.  I know there are so many times I could have been harmed, but I have to pause and think of all the times I didn’t know danger was present.  I am grateful for God caring about me, and being concerned about everything that concerns me.  God is the source of my hope!  I love Him because He loves me!  I love Him for being the source of my strength and happiness.

Even though we live in a world that provides reasons to feel hopeless.  I yet have hope.  When I read a good story, my hope is strengthened.  When I view my facebook newsfeed and read about all of graduates, I have hope!  When I brows IG and see the graduations pics, I gain even more hope!  When I read the news, and read about someone doing something good for another human, my hope is strengthened even more!  Even though evil is ever present, good always wins!  I still believe in treating others the way I want to be treated.  There is still value in taking the time to be concerned about someone other than myself.  I choose to be a source of encouragement and positivity.  I want encouragement and positivity to be synonymous with my name.

Each of us can choose to be a source of encouragement and positivity.  It only takes one person to make a difference.  Will you choose to be that one?

I Choose!

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I love this song!  This song speaks volume about the opportunity we have been given to choose.  A price tag cannot be placed on the value of our power to choose.  It is awesome to know that who our parents are, what town/city we come from, or even how much money our parents had doesn’t determine our power to choose.

We have the power to choose our destiny!

So many suffer from the “blame syndrome.”  They never take responsibility for their actions.  They would rather say it’s someone else’s fault.  Well, I am writing to let it be told that, if we are not where we want to be in life, it’s our fault!  The days of living in the past and saying shoulda, coulda, woulda are over!  It’s time to carpe diem – seize the day!  Choose right now to set your life on a course of greatness.  When you epitaph is given what will be said about you?  The life you choose to live will dictate your legacy.

It’s time to choose!  Choose as India.Arie says in the song to be the best that you can be.  I CHOOSE!

Invest In Yourself

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We spend so much time focusing on others that we forget about ourselves.  We forget about our dreams, visions and passions.  We place ourselves on the bottom of the priority list hoping that one day we will be able to pursue our dreams, visions and passions.  It is important that we begin to invest in ourselves.

Investing in us means making ourselves a priority.  No longer will we place ourselves low on the priority list.

If we don’t think what we want to accomplish is a high priority, no one else will think our dreams, visions and passions are a high priority.

It’s time to assess our current situation and determine it’s time to pursue our dreams, visions and passions.

It is time for self-reflection.  What are we allowing to hinder us from pursuing our dreams, visions and passions?  When are we going to take the first step and make ourselves a priority?  What are we waiting on?  I was watching a video yesterday and the speaker said the graveyard is full of unfulfilled dreams, visions and inventions.  We don’t want to live this earth without being able to say we did everything we wanted to do, and we diligently pursued our dreams, visions and passions.

Let’s make a new pledge to ourselves that we will no longer place ourselves at the bottom of our priority list.  We will invest in ourselves!  We will dust the cobwebs off of our dreams, visions and passions and immediately begin developing our success plan.

For My Daughter…

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I was thinking about a letter I wrote to my daughter in 2007, before she went to college.  I asked her for this letter, and then remembered I kept a copy of my flash drive.  This letter continues to be timely, and maybe it will inspire you to have a much needed conversation with your children, or maybe you need some inspiration.  There are some grammar errors in this letter, but I decided to not change anything about the letter.

August 13, 2007

9:28PM

Kendra,

Where do I begin?  It seems like yesterday you were biting people at church (lol)!  The years have gone by so fast.  Who would have thought we would be at this time so quickly in your life??  I am so happy and excited for you!  This is a major milestone in your life.  Off to college.

I am typing this letter to you because I want you to keep it and reflect on it those times when you may seem to forget what you focus is for going to college.  When temptation is presented and you don’t know if you can resist the temptation.  Grab this letter and read it quickly!  There are so many things I want to tell you.  Some last minute “nuggets” to help you along the way.  Well, here goes:

IF YOU DON’T REMEMBER ANYTHING I HAVE TAUGHT YOU, REMEMBER THESE TOP 10 THINGS:

10.  Be true to yourself – Don’t let anyone stop you from being who you are.  Don’t wear mask or be phony – be Kendra.

9.  Have fun – you will have to have a balance between fun and school.  Too much fun will be reflected in your grades. Too little fun and you will not be a happy person.  You have to figure out that balance for yourself.

8.  Boyfriends – I know you feel you are in love.  Well, remember that you have to put love in perspective.  Anyone who wants to be with you will understand the need for you to get off the phone, the computer, whatever means you all communicate.  That person will be happy for you and be content in the fact that when it’s all said and done you are still with them.  Any boy that doesn’t have your best interest at heart is not worth your time.  Any boy who has no goals or aspirations to achieve success is not worth your time.  You need someone who shares the same goals, aspirations and dreams that you have for life.

7.  Sex – We have talked about this subject.  For the record I will state my stance – no sex until you are married.  If you decide to have sex, I pray you weigh out the consequences and see if that moment is worth your future.  That’s all it takes is one mistake and your entire future can be altered.  You say you want to be a doctor.  Well, you have to live your life like you want to be a doctor.  There will be plenty of time to have sex when you get married.  There’s nothing like being able to have as much sex as you want and not have to be concerned about the risk of pregnancy, disease or death.  It’s never to late to decide to abstain.  Anytime you want to you can decide that you are going to wait until you are married to have sex.

6. Friends – everyone is not your friend or will want to be your friend.  People will dislike you because you are beautiful and smart.  Recognize when people are trying to use you.  Get to know people before you share your private information.  Don’t let people in your room until you feel you can trust them.  I say meet them in the lounge.  Some people will want to come into your room just to see what you have.

5.  Alcohol – Don’t ever leave a drink sitting and come back and drink it. I don’t care who is sitting there.  When I say drink I mean any type of drink.  Never drive after drinking.  Don’t ride with anyone who has had a drink. Don’t trust your life to anyone who has had any alcohol.  I don’t care how “okay” they may seem.  Don’t take a chance.

4.  Seat belt – WEAR IT!

3.  Intuition – If you feel something isn’t right, even if you don’t understand it; follow your intuition.  If you feel like you shouldn’t go a certain way, don’t.  If you feel like you shouldn’t do something, don’t.  Follow your intuition.

2.  Classes – If you don’t understand something – ask!  This is money we are spending to get a good education!  Make that teacher earn every dime.  Don’t wait until test time to say you don’t understand.  Get the help you need ASAP.  Get to know people.  If you need a study group, take the initiative and form one; because if you need help there is probably someone else who needs help too.

1.  God – You’re going to need Him!  Pray as much as possible.  Let Him lead and guide you.  He won’t lead you wrong.  God is the key to you being successful.  He said “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.” Take your Bible with you.  Read it!  Go to church as much as you can.  Church is where you will gain the strength you need to make it.  You need to give God 10% of your time, just like you give him 10% of your money.  You owe Him that!

I am here for you. You can tell me anything.  Don’t ever forget that!  I love you and I am going to miss you.  I’m sad but I’m happy for this next phase of your life.  So many people are in your corner and cheering you on.  I’m sure you can tell from all the gifts and money you received.  People are praying for you to be successful.  I don’t want you to get sidetracked.  Stay focused.  I don’t want you to have to come home because you made a bad decision that alters your future.  Every decision you make now affects your very future.  Please remember that.  Before you do anything, think about the positive and negative consequences.  If it’s too many negatives, it’s not worth it!

You are beautiful, gifted, talented and intelligent!  You are going to be successful!

I will be praying continuously for you!

Much love,

Your Mom.

What do you wish your parents had told you before you left home?

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Good Girls Finish Last!

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Where are my good girls? You know who you are… Good girls are the girls who try their best to do everything the right way. Good girls are the ones who were taught right from wrong and how to act appropriately in all situations. Good girls are the ones who may have had the title “church girl” attached to their description. We had to go to church, get good grades, sing in the choir, be on the usher board, etc. The list can go on and on.

Well, somewhere along the way, we decided we wanted to be like everyone else: go to the club, have a drink, even have sex before marriage. What happens to the good girls, when they do those things? The good girls always seem to get caught up! The good girls are the ones that get pregnant and have the baby. The good girls are the ones that may have something bad happen to her, while she’s “out there in them streets.” The good girls come full circle. We return to our first teachings and roots. We take our child (package) with us and do things the way we were taught to do them. When we return we may have some baggage, and maybe even a little more cynical; but we return.

You may ask why she is saying good girls finish last. Finishing last in this situation works in our favor. Yes, we have made some mistakes, but now we are better, stronger and wiser. We are ready to be uncompromising in what we want, and we are more appreciative of the blessings we receive.

We finish last because we choose to wait for what’s best for us. We see through all the mess and choose to wait for what’s best for us in every aspect of our lives. In our waiting we are shaped and molded into a better woman. This better woman, the good girl, she finishes last.

She receives everything God has designed for her, and she can say with a smile on her face – GOOD GIRLS FINISH LAST!