friends – naturalprofessor

If You’re the Toxic Friend and You Know It, Clap Your Hands!

April 18, 2019 thenaturalprofessor2 Comments

Recently, one of my friends asked this question on Instagram: “How do you know who is toxic?” My short response was you bring their toxic ways to their attention and they don’t try to change their ways. You find yourself in a constant struggle of not talking to them for awhile versus talking to them on a regular basis. It seems they act better after a hiatus, but alas their old toxic self shows up!

I used to believe toxic people didn’t know they were toxic. However, as I’ve matured I recognize they know their toxic and they don’t care. You know why they don’t care? They don’t care because they have the number one characteristic of a toxic person – they are selfish!

Their selfish ways show up constantly. Every activity has to revolve around them. Every conversation has to revolve around them, or they make the conversation about them.

You call the toxic person to vent about something you’re going through and this is how the conversation goes: First, they compare what you’re going through with something they have went or are going through. Then, somehow the conversation turns to be all about them! After you finish the conversation, you feel worse than you felt before you called them.

Another characteristic of toxic people is they are always the victim. Someone is always doing them wrong. They don’t do anything to anyone. They mind their business 🙄🙄. You know these are all lies because you know this person! They never take responsibility for their actions.

Then, toxic people like to monopolize your time. They want to be your ONLY friend. They don’t get along with any of your other friends. As a result, you can’t invite them to group outings. The toxic person not getting along with your other friends is their way to monopolize your time.

Furthermore, toxic people are users. Most of the time you interact with them, they need something. If you analyze your relationship, you will notice the toxic person always wants something from you. The relationship seems to always be you giving and the toxic person always taking.

Finally, another classic toxic person characteristic is they are never happy for you. If you tell them about your new job, they have to mention they wanted to work for that company and they didn’t get the job. They say you must know someone that works at the job. When you tell them about your financial increase, they have to mention how they need the increase more than you need the increase.

Toxic people leave you feeling drained surrounded with negativity. Their words and actions make you question your self-esteem and worth. The reality is the relationship is built on a foundation of jealousy. You may be wondering can any good come out of this relationship?! Yes, it can!

Here’s the good: As you grow and mature, you recognize toxic relationships have no place in your circle. You recognize there is nothing wrong with severing toxic ties and moving on with your life. You will more quickly identify toxic people before you have invested your time and energy in them.

If you read this post and recognize yourself, you are the toxic friend so clap, clap! Now that you see yourself, what are you going to do about it?

For those that have or have had toxic friends, how did you determine your friend was toxic? What did you do about it? Let’s talk about it.

Friends – How Many Of Us Have Them?

March 30, 2016March 30, 2016 thenaturalprofessorLeave a comment

I’m convinced that a lot of people don’t know how to be a friend. They don’t understand the actions or inactions of a friend. Essentially, if asked to describe what a friend looks like, they would fail.

Let me tell you what a friend is not. A friend is not someone that has to pledge allegiance only to you. A friend is not someone that has to dislike who you dislike and like who you like. These mean girl terms of friendships should’ve disappeared when we left elementary school. It’s unfortunate that some of us are still mean girls. We are frozen in time and have yet to mature into adulthood.

My BFF and I rarely have a phone conversation. We send random text from time to time. However, when we are fortunate to get together, it’s as if we have never been apart. The conversation continues like we have always been talking. I know that she has my back and I have hers. There’s no denying our bond

If you have friends or friends, you are fortunate. Treasure and cultivate those friendships. Don’t take them for granted. Some of you may wonder do you have any friends. Here are five signs that the people you are hanging with are not your friends.

1. They let you walk around all day with a visible booger in your nose for everyone to see.

2. They don’t tell you your breath stinks, or that you have a foul body odor.

3. They talk about you negatively to others.

4. They know you need a fashion makeover, but they just continue to let you look a hot mess in public.

5. They don’t tell you the truth. They would rather let you think you are right instead of calling you out on your foolishness.

If you have people in your life that fit these “friendship” signs, you need to let those people go. They are harmful to your positive growth. They are not adding any value to your life.

Whodini’s lyrics to the song “Friends” provides a great conclusion to defining a friend. Here’s just some of the lyrics:

Friends, how many of us have them?

Friends, ones we can depend on

Friends, how many of us have them?

Friends, before we go any further

Lets be friends

Is a word we use everyday

Most the time we use it in the wrong way

Now you can look the word up, again and again

But the dictionary doesn’t know the meaning of friends

And if you ask me, you know, I couldn’t be much help

Because a friend is somebody you judge for yourself

Some are okay, and they treat you real cool

But some mistake kindness for bein’ a fool

We like to be with some, because they’re funny

Others come around when they need some money

Some you grew up with, around the way

And you’re still real close too this very day

Homeboys through the summer, winter, spring and fall

And then there’s some we wish we never knew at all

And this list goes on, again and again

But these are the people that we call friends

For My Daughter…

February 16, 2014 thenaturalprofessorLeave a comment

I was thinking about a letter I wrote to my daughter in 2007, before she went to college. I asked her for this letter, and then remembered I kept a copy of my flash drive. This letter continues to be timely, and maybe it will inspire you to have a much needed conversation with your children, or maybe you need some inspiration. There are some grammar errors in this letter, but I decided to not change anything about the letter.

August 13, 2007

9:28PM

Kendra,

Where do I begin? It seems like yesterday you were biting people at church (lol)! The years have gone by so fast. Who would have thought we would be at this time so quickly in your life?? I am so happy and excited for you! This is a major milestone in your life. Off to college.

I am typing this letter to you because I want you to keep it and reflect on it those times when you may seem to forget what you focus is for going to college. When temptation is presented and you don’t know if you can resist the temptation. Grab this letter and read it quickly! There are so many things I want to tell you. Some last minute “nuggets” to help you along the way. Well, here goes:

IF YOU DON’T REMEMBER ANYTHING I HAVE TAUGHT YOU, REMEMBER THESE TOP 10 THINGS:

10. Be true to yourself – Don’t let anyone stop you from being who you are. Don’t wear mask or be phony – be Kendra.

9. Have fun – you will have to have a balance between fun and school. Too much fun will be reflected in your grades. Too little fun and you will not be a happy person. You have to figure out that balance for yourself.

8. Boyfriends – I know you feel you are in love. Well, remember that you have to put love in perspective. Anyone who wants to be with you will understand the need for you to get off the phone, the computer, whatever means you all communicate. That person will be happy for you and be content in the fact that when it’s all said and done you are still with them. Any boy that doesn’t have your best interest at heart is not worth your time. Any boy who has no goals or aspirations to achieve success is not worth your time. You need someone who shares the same goals, aspirations and dreams that you have for life.

7. Sex – We have talked about this subject. For the record I will state my stance – no sex until you are married. If you decide to have sex, I pray you weigh out the consequences and see if that moment is worth your future. That’s all it takes is one mistake and your entire future can be altered. You say you want to be a doctor. Well, you have to live your life like you want to be a doctor. There will be plenty of time to have sex when you get married. There’s nothing like being able to have as much sex as you want and not have to be concerned about the risk of pregnancy, disease or death. It’s never to late to decide to abstain. Anytime you want to you can decide that you are going to wait until you are married to have sex.

6. Friends – everyone is not your friend or will want to be your friend. People will dislike you because you are beautiful and smart. Recognize when people are trying to use you. Get to know people before you share your private information. Don’t let people in your room until you feel you can trust them. I say meet them in the lounge. Some people will want to come into your room just to see what you have.

5. Alcohol – Don’t ever leave a drink sitting and come back and drink it. I don’t care who is sitting there. When I say drink I mean any type of drink. Never drive after drinking. Don’t ride with anyone who has had a drink. Don’t trust your life to anyone who has had any alcohol. I don’t care how “okay” they may seem. Don’t take a chance.

4. Seat belt – WEAR IT!

3. Intuition – If you feel something isn’t right, even if you don’t understand it; follow your intuition. If you feel like you shouldn’t go a certain way, don’t. If you feel like you shouldn’t do something, don’t. Follow your intuition.

2. Classes – If you don’t understand something – ask! This is money we are spending to get a good education! Make that teacher earn every dime. Don’t wait until test time to say you don’t understand. Get the help you need ASAP. Get to know people. If you need a study group, take the initiative and form one; because if you need help there is probably someone else who needs help too.

1. God – You’re going to need Him! Pray as much as possible. Let Him lead and guide you. He won’t lead you wrong. God is the key to you being successful. He said “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.” Take your Bible with you. Read it! Go to church as much as you can. Church is where you will gain the strength you need to make it. You need to give God 10% of your time, just like you give him 10% of your money. You owe Him that!

I am here for you. You can tell me anything. Don’t ever forget that! I love you and I am going to miss you. I’m sad but I’m happy for this next phase of your life. So many people are in your corner and cheering you on. I’m sure you can tell from all the gifts and money you received. People are praying for you to be successful. I don’t want you to get sidetracked. Stay focused. I don’t want you to have to come home because you made a bad decision that alters your future. Every decision you make now affects your very future. Please remember that. Before you do anything, think about the positive and negative consequences. If it’s too many negatives, it’s not worth it!

You are beautiful, gifted, talented and intelligent! You are going to be successful!

I will be praying continuously for you!

Much love,

Your Mom.

What do you wish your parents had told you before you left home?

“Image courtesy of mrpuen / FreeDigitalPhotos.net”.

The Friend Code

January 15, 2014January 18, 2014 thenaturalprofessor2 Comments

I’m convinced that some people do not know the definition of the word friend, and do not know how to be an authentic friend. To understand the lack of friendship principles of others would require a different post and more time. I was reviewing the various friends that have or still are in my life, and I created some friend categories.

The Needy Friend – we all have these type of friends. You only hear from them during a crisis, drama or when they want you to do them a “favor.” You know when their world is cohesive because they are MIA in your text and call logs.

The It’s All About Me Friend – whenever you talk to them the conversation revolves around their life. Anything you say they have a way if making it about them. If you call them because you need to vent, they end up taking over the conversation and it becomes their vent session.

The I’m Busy Friend – this is the friend who never makes time for their friends. They are always too busy. They neglect the friendship by not investing any time in the friendship. Oh, but let them enter a crisis phase! They answer your calls on the first ring. Before you complete your text, they are texting you!

The Talk Too Much Friend – they can’t keep a secret to save their life. They tell everything. If you want the word to be disseminated, this is who you tell. This is the entertaining friend. You always have a good time with this friend!

The I Have A Man/Woman Friend – whenever they have a man/woman in their lives, they kick ALL of their friends to the curb! They can’t go anywhere with you anymore because they spend all of
their free time with their man/woman. You won’t hear from them until there is trouble in paradise…

The I Got Yo Back Friend – this is the friend we all need. Their picture should be posted by the word friend. They are a confidant, advocate and will tell you when you’re wrong. You don’t have to talk every day, but when you do it’s like the comversation never stopped. They have your best interest at heart. If you need someone to pray, they are the one. A real friend.

Take a real assessment of yourself and determine what kind of friend are you. If you want to know the truth, ask your friends. Now, what actions are you going to take to be a better friend?

*Image courtesy of stockimages*