Category: Life Lessons

Loss – In Three Parts

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Damaged Heart

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 It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything. Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

When we think of the word loss we immediately think something negative has happened, or something negative is going to happen. These thoughts have some truth. However, have you ever paused to fully analyze who you are because of the loss?

Loss doesn’t always have to be negative. There are times loss compels us to change things about ourselves and our lives. Loss can cause us to reassess our character and change for the better. Loss brings others into our lives that we may have never known cared about us, or that we could help.

When we suffer loss, we have two choices: succumb to the loss or fight! A loss requires us to fight for our lives, families, beliefs and values. A loss will help you see who you really are, and determine if you’re happy with the reflection you see in the mirror.

Take a moment and reflect: what did you learn from the loss? What did you learn about yourself from the loss? How are you better today? Who have you helped because of what you learned from your loss?

Three Songs

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There are three songs that have been pivotal in my life. These songs have helped me through some rough, good and uncertain times. These songs have been a source of encouragement and inspiration to me.

Good Woman Down (MJB) – This song has been my relationship inspiration. When I have been made to feel less than enough or wondered why I was going through, this songs reminds me that I’m a good woman that will not remain down! This is my “hear me roar, I am woman” anthem.

Your Steps Are Ordered (Fred Hammond) – Anyone that knows me personally knows I love Fred Hammond! He is my all-time favorite music artist. This song helped me deal with the death of my father and everything else in my life that happens, but I don’t have an answer. This song has helped me to return my feet to my foundation – God – and know that He has ordered my steps.

I Know Who Holds Tomorrow – I do not know who sings this song, but I have heard this song in church for years. I have heard it so much that it became one of the songs that I sing. This song has helped me remember who is really in control. When I sign this song, I am calmed and can relax in my unchanging God. He has my back and He knows my future.

Music will continue to be the symphony and harmony of my life.

My Special Place

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If I could be transported, I would like to be transported to a place that’s very special to me. There’s a place that I love. I came of age in this place. I learned about sex, love, friendship, relationships, evil, jealousy and even other continents. I learned that I could feel all of these emotions and go to different places without ever leaving this one place. This place was my home away from home. I went to this place so much that the workers knew me by name, and my mom would call and ask to speak with me. I spent many hot, humid days in this place. I could hear myself think in this place. One of the greatest days for me was when I could go to the area of this place for those who were more mature in age. I felt safe and secure in this place. I could be myself in this place. Even now when I see this place, I am reminded of coming of age in this place. This place is the library in the town I grew up in – Cairo Public Library.

Where would you like to be transported?

Cairo Library

Hope Prevails!

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I signed up for a blogging challenge:  Building a Blogging Habit.  My first challenge is to free write for twenty minutes.  Free writing is beneficial in expressing yourself and just allowing your thoughts to flow.  I want to write on a more consistent basis because I have a lot to say.  I’m always thinking about something and have something to say about everything that I read.  Recently, I have been beyond shocked by the number of young people committing violent crimes.  I wonder what could go so wrong in a person’s mind that he or she thinks it is okay to attack others.  I know I will probably never find the answer, but I still think about it.

Two stories stood out to me:  the recent killings by the young man in California and a story I read today about two 12 year-old girls that plotted to attack another 12 year old.  The young man in California wanted vengeance and decided to be the source of retribution.  He took the time to write an entire manifesto about his intentions.  The young girls led another young girl to the woods, on the premise to play, and one held her down and the other stabbed her 19 times!  I can’t fathom the level of insanity in these young people’s thoughts.  I am not saying their crazy, but I am saying their thoughts were crazy.  How did they think this would end?  How could they think their actions made sense?  These are just two of the stories that have troubled me.

These stories cause me to pause and think of the world that my granddaughter will experience her childhood.  Her childhood is so different from her dad’s.  Her dad could go to the park and I believed he would make it home safely.  My granddaughter has to be supervised.  Not just because of her age, but because of pedophiles and predators.  The people who lay in wait to wreak havoc on others.  Because of these people, no one is safe.  This lack of safety manifests itself in our daily actions.  We have to always be aware of our surroundings and take precautions all the time.  We can do everything right and still can be a victim.  This harsh reality could cause us to feel hopeless, and decide to be a hermit.

However, I refuse to allow predators and pedophiles to dictate my life! I will not leave in fear because I am confident in the one that is still in control.  I know you may be wondering who I am talking about.  I’m talking about God.  He is still in control!  He holds my destiny in his hand.  He is concerned about me and this comforts me.  I know there are so many times I could have been harmed, but I have to pause and think of all the times I didn’t know danger was present.  I am grateful for God caring about me, and being concerned about everything that concerns me.  God is the source of my hope!  I love Him because He loves me!  I love Him for being the source of my strength and happiness.

Even though we live in a world that provides reasons to feel hopeless.  I yet have hope.  When I read a good story, my hope is strengthened.  When I view my facebook newsfeed and read about all of graduates, I have hope!  When I brows IG and see the graduations pics, I gain even more hope!  When I read the news, and read about someone doing something good for another human, my hope is strengthened even more!  Even though evil is ever present, good always wins!  I still believe in treating others the way I want to be treated.  There is still value in taking the time to be concerned about someone other than myself.  I choose to be a source of encouragement and positivity.  I want encouragement and positivity to be synonymous with my name.

Each of us can choose to be a source of encouragement and positivity.  It only takes one person to make a difference.  Will you choose to be that one?

You’re cute, but…

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I am rendered speechless by those who are unable to compliment someone else without providing shade at the same time.  Why is it so difficult to just say a compliment without adding shade?  We have all heard these type of compliments.  I like her hair, but I don’t like that color.  That outfit is cute, but it should be a different color.  Her shape is nice, but she’s too skinny.  She has a cute face and she would be even cuter, if she wasn’t overweight.  She’s so beautiful, no homo!  Which leads me to trying to understand the purpose of adding “no homo”  after a compliment.  You’re not secure enough in who you are that you are afraid the person you are paying the compliment will think you are a homosexual.  I will never add “no homo” to any compliment I give to another woman, and I won’t provide any disclosures of not being interested as I compliment men.  Providing a compliment does not mean you want the person being complimented sexually.  If someone who is paid a compliment has delusions of being wanted sexually by the complimenter, I have s star that is currently in the galaxy to sell them!

The next time you pay someone a compliment don’t add anything negative to the compliment – just end the sentence.

 

Shout Out To Racists!

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Before Civil Rights, an individual’s feelings about racism were evident in their actions and the words he or she stated.  People freely stated how they felt about minorities and minorities were aware of those feelings.  Those feelings led to our parents being told they had to be better at everything.  We had to out read, run, shoot, spell everyone else.  Affirmative Action came on the scene to level the playing field.  Minorities were being held back simply due to the color of their skin.  Affirmative Action allowed a qualified minority an opportunity.  Racism seem to go underground.  It wasn’t advantageous to let racist feelings be known by others.  As a result, racism became difficult to detect or uncover as a reason for not being hired, or afforded an opportunity.

Fast forward to 2014 and there seems to be an increase in racist statements being uttered publicly.  I read about Cliven Bundy last week.  He was quoted in the New York Times as wondering aloud “if Blacks were better off as slaves.”  Feel free to click on his name to read the entire story.  Then, a tape was released of Donald Sterling discussing his displeasure with his girlfriend being seen with Black people.  Click on his name to hear the entire 15 minute tape.  A few months ago Richard Sherman experienced racist comments directed at him after he trash talked after a NFL game.  It seems we are coming full circle in publicly stating racist views.

Well, I wanted to give a shout out to all racists!  I’m shouting you out because I appreciate you taking the sheet off your head and revealing yourselves!  I’m glad you are letting us know how you really feel.  Now, no one else has to assume or think you’re racist.  You let the world know your heart!  I had someone tell me recently that you can discriminate against people in hiring, but you have to find a “legal” reason not to hire the individual.  Even though you will know the real reason the person was not hired.  I was speechless!  This person spoke the very actions of so many, and sadly we are unable to reveal the real reason.  However, when the racist utters his or her racist statements publicly, they do the rest of us a favor!  We know who they are and where they really stand.  We know who not to support with our money.  A rich racist only understands profits and losses.  For this reason, we need to help your economic understanding.

Keep revealing your racist self.  Shout out to all racists!

 

 

Blogging!

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I’m participating in Blogger University on WordPress.  Blogger University is a great, free resource providing to WordPress.com bloggers to enhance their skills and expertise in blogging.  The course started on April 15th, and I am a few days behind.  However, I am determined to complete the course.  My first assignment is to introduce myself and discuss why I am blogging.

This year was finally the time my blogging dreams became a reality.  I have been saying for years I was going to start a blog.  I finally stopped saying it and completed actions to start my blog.  I’m blogging publicly because I wanted to share my thoughts, insight and feelings with others.  Having a personal journal wouldn’t fulfil my need of wanting to dialogue with others about my blog.

I will be writing about life lessons, my thoughts on various current events, my experience in writing resumes and looking for a job, encouragement and motivation; and just whatever is impressed on me to discuss on any particular day.

I would love to connect with other positive bloggers and people who have an opinion about any and every thing.

Happy Blogging!

Forgiveness – The Key to Freedom

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We have all had to encounter situations with others that require forgiveness. Some of us have successfully maneuvered the waters of forgiveness, while others are still held captive by unforgiveness. Being held captive by unforgiveness produces a domino effect of hurt, anger, bitterness and resentment. These feelings are counterproductive to our emotional progress. Without emotional progress our emotional intelligence growth is stunted. Have you met people who have a stunted emotional intelligence growth? I’m sure you have. I know I have!

A lack of emotional intelligence leads to an inability to have positive relationships, trust issues, depression, stress, the blame syndrome and even death. Those that lack emotional intelligence has a tendency to blame the person or the situation that needs to be forgiven for the problems in their lives. They continue to live in the past. They discuss the source or situation that led to unforgiveness as if it happened yesterday. They never seem to be able to move past the situation.

Harboring unforgiveness allows the situation or the person involved in the situation to control you. The very source of our unforgiveness continues to control our lives. Every twist and turn of our lives is ruled by unforgiveness. Living a life in this manner is not conducive to a positive, successful life. What can we do to rid ourselves of this unforgiveness?

There are several steps we can take to begin a life free of hurt, anger, bitterness and resentment. First, write out how we feel about the situation and the person. Keeping this inside is allowing the hurt and anger to linger. Second, if the person is still alive, we need to let them know the result of their actions or inactions in our lives. It is important to recognize that we are not discussing the issue to secure an apology because the reality is the person may not even remember what they did, or they may feel that they have done nothing wrong. Third, we have to forgive the person. I know you are asking why do we have to forgive. Forgiveness is the key to freedom. When we forgive, we loose ourselves from the shackles that have been holding us back from being whole. It’s time for us to stop living in the past, and live in the present. The present holds the key to our future, and we have to refuse to be limited by our past. It’s time to live! It’s time to be free! Aren’t you ready?

Learn How To Sacrifice

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We are told no by our parents because they want us to learn the value of a dollar.  If we were given everything we wanted, we wouldn’t know how to respond in a time of stretched finances.  We have seen the result of children who are never told no.  Words are inadequate to express how we feel, when we accomplish something because of our sacrifice.  I remember earning my first degree.  I still can’t place into words how I felt to earn something that no one could take away from me.  What about when you receive that first car title, after making that last car payment?  How about that feeling of being debt free?  Any of these actions required some kind of sacrifice.

However, the sacrifice was worth it because there was greater on the other side of the sacrifice.  We know how to sacrifice, but have we taught our children how to sacrifice?

Our children are living in some of the best of times.  My generation has been able to provide for our children some of the things that our parents were unable to provide for us.  We have paid college tuition, purchased cars, paid monthly rent and supplied our children with designer clothes and high-end electronics.  We have done all of these things, but have we taught them how to sacrifice?  Have we taught our children how to save money, buy a CD (and I am not talking about a music CD), purchase shares of stock, or just the lesson of delayed gratification.  The last thing we should want is our children living paycheck to paycheck because they are wearing their money on their backs and feet.

Let’s teach them how to sacrifice.  Sacrificing builds good character and productive citizens who don’t mind helping someone else along the way because they know what it’s like to persevere through difficulty; and they recognize that they could be in the same position.  So, what lesson in sacrificing will you be giving this week?