Category: Forgiveness

Marriage Is A Triathlon – Not A Sprint!

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Recently, I was watching a video about training for a triathlon. A triathlon is a race that is split into three different activities: swimming, biking and running. Let me provide my disclaimer that I’m not ready for a triathlon. First, I have to learn how to swim. Learning how to swim is on my 2019 bucket list.

Back to triathlon training. I was curious about the preparation for a triathlon. After watching the video, I realized that preparing for a triathlon is similar to preparing for a lasting marriage. Let me explain.

You can’t just wake up one morning and go complete a triathlon! There’s some preparation involved. That preparation requires commitment. You have to decide to train so many times a week in preparation for the triathlon. Marriage takes commitment. You have to take your vows seriously and be committed to demonstrating your vows by your actions.

A triathlon requires dedication. There will be some days you don’t feel like training. There will be some days you would rather be spending your time doing something else. There will be days you won’t like training. However, you have to train anyway and remain dedicated to being prepared for the triathlon.

Marriage requires dedication. There will be some days that you don’t want to be married. There will be some days you don’t like your spouse. There will be some days you would rather be doing something else. When those days come and trust me they will, you have to remain dedicated to your marriage.

A triathlon requires some essential gear: a bike, helmet, shoes, swimming cap, goggles and a trisuit to name a few. Without the essential gear, you hinder your chances of doing your best. You want to do your best.

There’s some essential marriage gear: love, good communication, good sex, honesty, God and prayer to name a few. If you don’t have the essential marriage gear, it will be difficult to have a lasting marriage. Essential marriage gear is necessary and beneficial to a good marriage.

A good marriage deserves a good foundation. A good foundation begins with commitment, dedication and the essential gear. Are you ready for your triathlon?

Broken Humans

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Broken as defined in the dictionary, “having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece or in working order.” Brokenness means “Forcibly separated into two or more pieces; fractured.” As you read those two definitions, you might have thought about a time that you were broken or in a state of brokenness. You may still be broken or in a state of brokenness. I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to remain broken or continue to be in a state of brokenness.

When we are broken, it’s difficult to continue on our life’s journey. Being in a constant state of brokenness hinders our ability to move on. As a result, the relationships we form doing our times of brokenness have a tendency to be broken.

These relationships are built on brokenness and once we choose to move from our place of brokenness the relationships cannot withstand our path to being whole. For this reason, we should not begin a new relationship while broken. We need to be working on being made whole.

Whole is being “in an unbroken or undamaged state; in one piece.” Being whole seems impossible but we can be once again be whole. What does it take to be made whole?

First, we have to be honest with ourselves and recognize we are operating from a place of brokenness. We sometimes wonder why we are so angry or almost anything can have us crying. We are broken.

Second, we have to want to be whole. If you don’t want to be whole, it doesn’t make sense to lie to ourselves and others that we want to be whole. It’s better to wait until you’re ready. I have needed to lose weight for years, but until I was ready I wasted my time along with the time of others. Now, I’m focused on being healthy and making continuous progress. You have to do whatever you decide to do for you!

Third, seek help. Do not be ashamed to admit you need help. There’s nothing wrong with going to counseling, finding a support group for your brokenness and even reading self-help books. I encourage you to see a professional therapist.

Once we are beyond our broken state, we will be able to see the scars from the healed wounds and help someone else. We can have healthy relationships built on trust and respect. We can be happy and free! We can be whole:

The Price of Silence

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I didn’t watch the R Kelly documentary last night, and don’t plan to watch. I have read some of the posts that have came across my newsfeed. So, teenage girls are fast and were given what they wanted 😳😑😑. Men have been doing it forever, so it’s ok?!! Nothing was said about Elvis Presley and other white men?!! I almost can’t place into words my reaction to these statements!

Are y’all serious?! So, this is how we make it okay to victimize young people?!!! I wonder if it was your child would you still have those feelings? We have sexualized Black children and held them accountable like they are adults, and this is wrong! These are children! There are grown women and men that have been bamboozled by abusers and we expect children to recognize an abuser and say no?!

I am a victim of sexual abuse by a family member and an authority figure. I was just a child and didn’t know what to do. I told on the authority figure and he publicly shamed me while I wasn’t present. He said I was lying on him, and people believed him. I never looked at him the same again. I forgave him for my growth, but I told my mom if he doesn’t ask God for forgiveness in hell will he lift up his eyes.

I’ve never said anything to the family member. Since I’ve been grown, I finally told my mom. I forgave the family member too, but a conversation needs to take place for that person to know the affect of their actions. The sad part is the person probably doesn’t even remember because I’m sure I wasn’t the only one.

Quit blaming victims. If you still choose to listen to R Kelly’s music that’s your choice, but don’t blame victims to make you feel better about your choice!

Chapter 47 of the Book “Annjanette”

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Tonight is the last night I will be 47 years old. The night before my birthday I always reflect on the year. I think about my trials, tribulations and triumphs. My goal is to be s better me every year, and vow to not let the same things that caused me to stumble this year, cause me to stumble next year.
I have dealt with some things that I have never dealt with before, and some things that I thought I would never have to deal with again. I look back in amazement that I’m still standing. Like Marvin Sapp says in his song “Never Would’ve Made It.”

I’m stronger, I’m wiser

I’m better, much better

When I look back over all you brought me through

I can see that you were the one I held on to

The you that I held on to is God. I don’t know how anyone can navigate life without Him. I’ve been through some things this year that I could have legit lost my mind, BUT GOD said not so!! 

I took control of my health for real this past year. Not how I had done in the past, but with consistency. Little steps turned into bigger steps and now I see my progress. I’ve lost 75lbs so far!


I’m trying to live a life of quality not quantity. I don’t want to live a long time aided by medication. I want a quality life that includes living life to the fullest while healthy. 

As I reflect, I have no regrets. Every test has become a part of my story. My story shows the essence of Annjanette. My story has helped develop the strong, God-fearing confident woman I am today.

I’m ready for Chapter 48 of the book titled “Annjanette.”

Rejection is Not the Final Answer

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Rejection seems cruel and we don’t feel good after being rejected.  Nobody wants to be rejected for any reason, but rejection does happen.  Rejection is not the final answer.  It’s how we handle the rejection.

Recently, I experienced rejection at work.  I wasn’t happy, and I’ll admit that I haven’t fully recovered from feeling rejected.  However, I learned some lessons from the rejection that will help me achieve success.

In every trial and test we go through we have to determine what am I supposed to learn from this experience.  Our comeback determines our future success. 

 Here’s some lessons I have learned from rejection:

1.  I can say no. So many times we relinquish our power by giving in to be used, but saying no reclaims our power over our future.
2. I have a lot to offer. The skills and experiences that I bring to the table speak for themselves. It’s time I recognize that and not expect anyone else to validate me.

3. Write my vision for my future and begin to set my vision in motion by completing tasks that will get me closer to the fruition of my vision.

4. Take the limits off of me. Don’t limit myself to being placed in a box with a lid, but enlarge my territory and refuse to have lids placed on me.

5. Don’t be afraid to take chances.  

6. Always remember I have value, and refuse to allow anyone to belittle my value in their actions or deeds.

7. I can be angry and not act out. There’s a way to express myself without negativity being attached to my words or actions.

8. Let it go! Don’t let this situation hinder my progress.

9. I choose to make feeling rejected a temporary feeling. 

10. Learn all I can because I want my results to be maturity and growth.

Rejection doesn’t feel good, but the lessons learned from rejection are priceless.

So You Think You’re Ready For Marriage…

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You think you’re ready for marriage. You feel you have everything together. You’re easy on the eyes, and can’t seem to understand why you are constantly looked over. Are you being honest with yourself? Are you really ready for marriage.

Here are seven signs that you’re not ready for marriage, and yet have some self-work to complete:

1. You’re selfish. You can’t fathom placing someone else’s needs above your own even for a moment. Whatever is going on has to be about you. You could never see yourself having to take care of a spouse with a chronic health condition. That would be your cue to exit.

2. You’re not letting someone else know where you’re going. You don’t have to do that! Well, when you marry someone it’s just a courtesy to let your spouse know your plans. People leave home every day, and never make it back home. It’s a sign of maturity to let your spouse know when you will arrive home.

3. You expect your spouse to fit into your life because you’re not changing. When you get married your life becomes our life. You’re not expected to stop doing what you’re doing, but you are expected to create a life with your spouse.

4. You refuse to openly communicate about your finances. Listen, this is not a roommate arrangement. When you get married, your finances become our finances. Your credit becomes our credit. Many marriages are destroyed because of finances. If you’re not ready to be truthful about your finances, you’re not ready for marriage.

5. The only good communication you have is sexual communication. Let me tell you that’s not enough! When you’re fully clothed and standing up, you have to be able to effectively communicate. Communication is very important for the success of your marriage.  

6. Your vision of what marriage should be is based on what you have read in a book, seen on TV or what worked for your parents.  

7. You refuse to let past transgressions go! You keep a running tally of what others do to you, or things you don’t like. You can’t wait to bring up these transgression over and over and over again. There’s no clean slate with you.  

If you found yourself in any of the above statements, all is not lost. You have to be willing to work on yourself. There’s hope.

There’s Always A Lesson 

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As 2016 comes to an end, I reflect on the lessons I’ve learned about myself and others. These lessons have been eye openers. Each lesson has caused me to grow, made me stronger and continued to shape me into the woman I am right now.
I realize that even though these lessons hurt I am not mad at anyone. It is what it is. I sleep well at night because I treat people the way I want to be treated. As difficult as it has been, I have remained consistent in how I treat others.

The lessons I’ve learned are in no particular order of importance. However, each lesson has defined me and played a significant role in my most recent development.

When I need encouraging, I have to encourage myself. As much as I have encouraged others, I didn’t receive that in return. I had some valley experiences that I had to encourage myself because that same gift I have to recognize when others need encouragement wasn’t operating in the lives of those that I encountered on a daily basis. Encouraging myself caused me to rely more on God than people.

It doesn’t matter how nice I am to others, there will always be someone that doesn’t like me. I used to care. I used to wonder why doesn’t this person like me, what could I do to make him or her like me or what did I do to cause him or her not to like me? This past year I’m over caring about how others feel about me. I can’t be responsible for someone else’s feelings. I’m going to be me.

People that I considered my friends did not feel the same way about me. This lesson was a shock to my system, and begin to cause me to build a familiar wall of protection around myself. This wall would lead to me separating myself from others.

As I was taking a shower one morning, God reminded me that He made me different from others. That difference is what allows me to be so transparent and open to others. This realization destroyed the wall, and replaced it with a greeter assurance of who I am.

This year has included some ups and downs, but I won’t complain. I’m still here. I lived, I learned and I grew. I’m looking forward to 2017 with great expectation!

46 Life Lessons I’ve Learned…

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Today is my birthday and I was reflecting on the life lessons I’ve learned over the past 46 years. All of these lessons have truly molded and shaped me into the woman I am today.

These life lessons are not listed in order of importance, and there’s a story behind each lesson.

1. I have to love myself.

2. I’m my own Stan (fan)!

3. Sometimes I have to encourage myself.

4. God has to be a priority in my life.

5. Family is important.

6. Treat others the way I want to be treated.

7. Forgiveness frees me.

8. I can do bad by myself.

9. I know my worth.

10. Common sense will get you further than book sense.

11. Don’t lie.

12. Integrity is important.

13. Word is bond.

14. Be careful of the company you keep.

15. Be a good friend.

16. It’s not always about me.

17. Karma is real.

18. My husband is my best friend.

19. Happiness is a choice.

20. My life has purpose.

21. Hell is real.

22. Be authentic.

23. Live a life without regrets.

24. Stress kills.

25. Be informed 

26. A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

27. Read on a regular basis.

28. Be open to constructive criticism.

29. Travel as often as I can.

30. Invest in myself.

31. Enjoy life to the fullest.

32. Pray.

33. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

34. Cultivate friendships 

35. Don’t let anyone misuse me.

36. Be honest.

37. Laugh often

38. Have a sense of humor.

39. Don’t be judgmental.

40. It okay to say I’m sorry.

41. Everybody will not like me.

42. Sex is good.

43. Be a good parent.

44. Be trustworthy.

45. Don’t go to bed angry.

46. Eat something you’ve never eaten before.

Cheers to these life lessons, and I can’t wait for the next 46 more! Happy Birthday to me!

Forgiveness – The Key to Freedom

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We have all had to encounter situations with others that require forgiveness. Some of us have successfully maneuvered the waters of forgiveness, while others are still held captive by unforgiveness. Being held captive by unforgiveness produces a domino effect of hurt, anger, bitterness and resentment. These feelings are counterproductive to our emotional progress. Without emotional progress our emotional intelligence growth is stunted. Have you met people who have a stunted emotional intelligence growth? I’m sure you have. I know I have!

A lack of emotional intelligence leads to an inability to have positive relationships, trust issues, depression, stress, the blame syndrome and even death. Those that lack emotional intelligence has a tendency to blame the person or the situation that needs to be forgiven for the problems in their lives. They continue to live in the past. They discuss the source or situation that led to unforgiveness as if it happened yesterday. They never seem to be able to move past the situation.

Harboring unforgiveness allows the situation or the person involved in the situation to control you. The very source of our unforgiveness continues to control our lives. Every twist and turn of our lives is ruled by unforgiveness. Living a life in this manner is not conducive to a positive, successful life. What can we do to rid ourselves of this unforgiveness?

There are several steps we can take to begin a life free of hurt, anger, bitterness and resentment. First, write out how we feel about the situation and the person. Keeping this inside is allowing the hurt and anger to linger. Second, if the person is still alive, we need to let them know the result of their actions or inactions in our lives. It is important to recognize that we are not discussing the issue to secure an apology because the reality is the person may not even remember what they did, or they may feel that they have done nothing wrong. Third, we have to forgive the person. I know you are asking why do we have to forgive. Forgiveness is the key to freedom. When we forgive, we loose ourselves from the shackles that have been holding us back from being whole. It’s time for us to stop living in the past, and live in the present. The present holds the key to our future, and we have to refuse to be limited by our past. It’s time to live! It’s time to be free! Aren’t you ready?