I’m doing a series of vlogs to share my pet peeves. I’m posting them in no particular order. Each one shares equal importance of being on my list of topics that will illicit an emotional response from me that I say is passionate, and some may say is anger. We can debate the emotion expressed forever, but these are my pet peeves.
More pet peeves to come…
My daughter and I were discussing politics with my granddaughter. My granddaughter wouldn’t listen to us telling her she wasn’t old enough to vote. My daughter kept messing with her until my granddaughter calmly said TCOB.
We immediately asked, “What is TCOB?” She said, “Take Care of Your Own Business.” We laughed! I asked her, “Where did you learn that?” She said, “From my teacher at school. That’s what we say when somebody is in our business.” I said, “When you say TCOB, what does the person do?” She said, “They get out of your business.”
What an awesome life lesson for a six-year-old! She’s already learning to mind her own business, while keeping people out of her business. She’s being taught how to positively communicate what could be considered negative feedback to some.
Taking Care of Your Own Business requires focus and determination. If I’m taking care of my business, I don’t have time to focus on your business.
The next time someone tries to be in your business just tell them
I’m convinced that a lot of people don’t know how to be a friend. They don’t understand the actions or inactions of a friend. Essentially, if asked to describe what a friend looks like, they would fail.
Let me tell you what a friend is not. A friend is not someone that has to pledge allegiance only to you. A friend is not someone that has to dislike who you dislike and like who you like. These mean girl terms of friendships should’ve disappeared when we left elementary school. It’s unfortunate that some of us are still mean girls. We are frozen in time and have yet to mature into adulthood.
My BFF and I rarely have a phone conversation. We send random text from time to time. However, when we are fortunate to get together, it’s as if we have never been apart. The conversation continues like we have always been talking. I know that she has my back and I have hers. There’s no denying our bond
If you have friends or friends, you are fortunate. Treasure and cultivate those friendships. Don’t take them for granted. Some of you may wonder do you have any friends. Here are five signs that the people you are hanging with are not your friends.
1. They let you walk around all day with a visible booger in your nose for everyone to see.
2. They don’t tell you your breath stinks, or that you have a foul body odor.
3. They talk about you negatively to others.
4. They know you need a fashion makeover, but they just continue to let you look a hot mess in public.
5. They don’t tell you the truth. They would rather let you think you are right instead of calling you out on your foolishness.
If you have people in your life that fit these “friendship” signs, you need to let those people go. They are harmful to your positive growth. They are not adding any value to your life.
Whodini’s lyrics to the song “Friends” provides a great conclusion to defining a friend. Here’s just some of the lyrics:
Friends, how many of us have them?
Friends, ones we can depend on
Friends, how many of us have them?
Friends, before we go any further
Lets be friends
Is a word we use everyday
Most the time we use it in the wrong way
Now you can look the word up, again and again
But the dictionary doesn’t know the meaning of friends
And if you ask me, you know, I couldn’t be much help
Because a friend is somebody you judge for yourself
Some are okay, and they treat you real cool
But some mistake kindness for bein’ a fool
We like to be with some, because they’re funny
Others come around when they need some money
Some you grew up with, around the way
And you’re still real close too this very day
Homeboys through the summer, winter, spring and fall
And then there’s some we wish we never knew at all
And this list goes on, again and again
But these are the people that we call friends
Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/whodini/friends-lyrics/#Juo467wHjoTCvX8u.99
This book was an eye opener for me. I enjoyed the method the author used to say what he wanted to say. It’s refreshing to read a book where the author doesn’t apologize for his thoughts or feelings. So many times authors apologize for what they say, or say readers misinterpreted the meaning of their statements.
Not D. Watkins! He speaks his mind in a manner that says – yes, I meant what I said!
So many of the words he stated are my sentiments too. I liked how he was able to weave parts of his story into the current events that have touched many of us. There are two passages that resonated with me, and I still reflect on these passages today.
He calls out Black men for allowing other Black men to speak negatively about Black women, and treat us horribly. He points out how time and time again Black women support Black men when they have no one else to depend on. He admonished Black men to take a stand for Black women!
This passage caused me to really think about the Pledge of Allegiance and what it means to me as a Black women, and I realized it’s not for me. Just as the writer realized it wasn’t for him. Now, I can no longer stand and take that pledge. I have not experienced liberty and justice for all.
If you want to read a thought provoking book that makes you question the importance of Black American lives, pick up “The Beast Side.” If you want to read the reality of living and dying while Black in America, read “The Beast Side.”
When I found this meme, it resonated with the core of my being. We live in a world where some people place their happiness in the hands of others. Why would a person choose to allow someone else to have that much power over them? I want to make sure I understand: How the person feels or treats you controls your happiness?! I refuse to allow anyone that much power over me!
We watch movies, videos and TV; and believe that another’s love makes us happy. We buy into the false reality we see in the media and believe statements like:
I can’t live without you.
I can’t breathe without you.
You complete me.
As long as I have you, I’m happy.
Guess who’s responsible for your happiness? You are! It’s selfish of you to make me or anyone else responsible for your happiness. I’m trying to handle my happiness. Do you want to know why you are responsible for your happiness? Because you’re accountable for your actions and inactions.
It’s easy to make someone else responsible because then you are able to play the “blame game.” It’s always someone else’s fault. No, it’s your fault! You own your happiness. If you’re not happy, it’s time for self-reflection. It’s time to ask yourself some difficult questions and be man or woman enough to acknowledge what’s hindering your happiness.
Here’s my Happiness Plan:
1. Self-reflection: Time to determine why happiness eludes me.
2. A Plan: What am I going to do to be happy? Write it down. Create a vision board.
3. Make it happen: Put your plan in action.
Let me know how my plan works for you. I can’t wait to read your happiness reports!
*I am not the creator of the above memes and was unable to locate the creators to provide proper acknowledgement*
Black women know what it means to struggle. We struggle with the various roles we play in our lives and the lives of others. We struggle with that S for Superwoman that has been placed on our chests. A lot of times we place that S on our chests, and then there are times others place that S on our chests. Even after we successfully navigate through each day for ourselves and our families, I’m still amazed at those who treat us like we are second class citizens.
Well, second class citizens is a stretch. We are treated like we don’t have any rights. It saddens me that we feel the harsh sting of this treatment from our own Black men. I’m used to other races treating us inferior, but to be treated inferior by Black men upsets me.
You ask me why does this upset me? I’ll tell you why. Black women have always been supportive of Black men. We work and take care of our homes when Black men can’t or won’t take care of our homes. We take care of our Black children when Black men can’t or won’t take care of our children. We are the ones that give you that second, third and fourth chance, when you mess up. So, where’s our support?
Oh, you may say we have supported Black women. Have you? As a majority have Black men supported us? Oh, you will use us for what we have to offer, but where’s our support?
Where’s the support when we are being killed by the police? Where’s the marching and the public outcry by Black men? Where’s the support when another Black man hits us? Why do you turn your head and say it’s not your problem, or say that’s what she gets? Where’s the support when we are being sexually degraded in music lyrics or made fun of about our looks? Where’s the support when we are being called bitches and thots?
When are Black men going to speak up as a majority and say you will respect Black women?! You will not place your hands on a Black woman! I will not be a part of a conversation that degrades Black women.
Oh we struggle, but one area we don’t struggle with is supporting Black men. Where’s our support?
I thank God I’ve survived so far and made most decisions using common sense. Common sense is priceless.
I just want to help others that may need need assistance navigating this journey called life. These rules are not listed in any order of importance because they are all important. Here’s some rules to live by:
Don’t burn bridges – 9 times out of 10 you’re going to need that person again.
Listen to your elders – you’ll have less headaches, heartaches and stress.
Practice good work ethics.
Don’t quit a job before you have the next job.
You are responsible for your own happiness. Don’t buy into this romance movie happiness that includes statements like “you complete me.”
Don’t have sex with folks that just look good. Are they responsible? If a child results, will you have to put out an APB for them to help with the child? Would you want this woman to be the mother of your child? Do you want this person in your life for the rest of your life?
Don’t have sex in every relationship. Is there a rule you have to have sex? Everybody ain’t worthy – ijs.
Surround yourself with folks that encourage and support you.
Learn how to be a real friend. Once you learn the real meaning, you may find out the folks you’ve been saying are on your squad are not on your squad.
Have a personal relationship with God. Give Him some of your time. He’s worthy.
*photo created by Samuel Zeller
I grew up in what used to be called Pyramid Courts, which is now named Leroy McBride. In these projects, I had some of the best times of my life. It’s quite disturbing to read about the despair of the current residents.
Reading the article (the link is below) disgusted and angered me. To read how those that are poor or less fortunate have been marginalized and their voice silenced further demonstrates how being a minority and poor is a double negative.
Chaos In Cairo
If you are disturbed as I am, please contact the HUD regional office and demand prompt action be taken to remedy this atrocity!
Chicago Regional Office
U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development
Antonio R. Riley – Regional Administrator
77 West Jackson Boulevard
Chicago, IL 60604
Phone: (312) 353-5680
Fax: (312) 913-8293
I was getting ready for work this morning and I began to think about my dad. As my birthday is fastly approaching, I wondered what would my dad think of me. I wondered would he like the person I have become, and would he be pleased with my morals and values.
Then, I thought of one of my most vivid memories of my dad. I had to be four or five years old. I was living in Henry Horner projects – 1847 W Lake St, Apt. 806. I still remember. It was in the winter time and I was standing in front of my school. My mom had bundled me up and no one else was standing in front of the school. I realize now she must have dropped me off early to make it to work.
This man pulled up in a car and called my name. I went to the car and he said, “do you remember me?” I nodded my head and said, “Yes, you’re my daddy.” He had me get in the car to stay warm and he talked to me until it was time to go into the school. He told me he hadn’t seen me in a while, but that was going to change. I later found out I wasn’t seeing my dad because of my evil stepfather, but that’s another story.
Father’s make a permanent impression on their children. The time you spend holding your children when their babies, allowing them to sleep on your chest, feeding, bathing and all the other quality time you spend with them makes a difference. Even though time had passed, I knew “that man” was my daddy.
After my dad passed, I got a tattoo over my heart that says “Daddy’s Lil Girl.” My dad always called me “daddy’s lil girl.” I was in my twenties and my dad was still calling me his “lil girl.” The special bond I had with my father has kept me grounded. When I feel like fighting as my mom would do, the peacemaking spirit I received from my dad prevails. My dad was the first man that loved me unconditionally. He showed me what unconditional love from a man looks and feels like.
This is a call to action for father’s everywhere. I pray it’s not too late for you to make memories with your children that will help you leave a good permanent impression on your children. What do you want your children to say about you? Do you want them to remember you with good feelings, or do you want them to learn the hard way that you failed as a father. I plead with you to make a renewed commitment to your children and be the great father your children need you to be in their lives.
Last night there was breaking news of a church shooting in Charlotte with little details. This morning we wake up to the awful reality that a young, White man decided to enter a church, and after sitting for an hour (the unconfirmed report) stood up and allegedly said “I came to shoot Black people” and proceeded to do just what he said he came to do. This is a horrific display of racism and hatred!
Since this tragedy, the above picture has bee my face. I can’t bring myself to smile. I must admit I am angry and said to a few people via text, I don’t want to look at any White people today! I know my coworkers haven’t done anything to me, but this was my genuine feeling. It took me awhile to focus on my daily work. I couldn’t stop thinking about the senselessness of this crime. I felt like those murdered where my family.
I already knew the media would portray this young man as having a mental issue. Just look at the pictures being posted of him. The pictures make him look disturbed. The media wants to induce us into a coma of believing this was simply a mentally disturbed young man, who just randomly went into Mother Emanuel AME Church last night. However, that’s not true!! A young man, who hated Black people, chose a Black Historic landmark in Charlotte to display his hatred.
We are living in turbulent, traumatic times and we need to stop drinking the arsenic laced kool-aid that says racism is dead, and we have proof because we have a Black president. Our children can go anywhere they want and be anything they want to be in life. The only thing holding Black people back is their laziness and they want a handout! Hogwash! Have you viewed the news lately? Have you read any articles lately? Have you read any racist social media post lately?
Racism is alive and well, and racists are showing and telling us every day just how they really feel and we have some that are willing to even kill us to prove how much they hate us. Wake up people! We have work to do!
naturalprofessor 