Category: Real Talk

Letting Go

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As we end 2014, let’s vow to leave some stuff that didn’t add anything positive to our lives in 2014. We should be tired of allowing people, circumstances and things to hinder our progress. We have to make ourselves a priority and not depend on others to make us a priority. Nobody will care about you the way you do.

Aren’t you tired of blaming others for your circumstance or situation? Don’t you want to make lasting changes that impact you forever? It’s time to just let it go. Whatever “it” may be, it’s time to say no more! Refuse to accept mediocrity and decide to operate with a spirit of excellence in every area of your life. Refuse to live a substandard existence – let it go!

Let go everything that has hindered your growth. Take back the power you have freely given to negative people, past situations and circumstances in your life. Sexual, emotional and mental abuse don’t have any power over you anymore! Financial problems and unemployment have to go!! Health and weight issues – power be gone!!

This post isn’t about making a New Year’s resolution. This post is about closing out 2014 with the determination to not allow what or who hindered you in 2014 to be a factor in 2015. Tell me, what’s the nonfactors you’re leaving in 2014.

Do You See Now?

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PSA – Now do you see why I am so serious about jury duty and voting?! Some refuse to go or find some way to get out of going. Well, did that grand jury reflect the community makeup? We have to make sure we do not miss an opportunity to be on a jury. I want to be judged by a jury of my peers, not folks who have no idea what being Black in America means.

Voting is essential. Specifically, voting for local government officials. When we don’t vote, we risk having people in positions of power that don’t care about all of the people in the community. We risk having police that are afraid of Black skin, so they shoot first and ask questions later.

The reality is a White person doesn’t understand my plight because he or she is not Black, and I don’t understand the plight of being White because I’m not White. What I can do is try to understand a White person’s plight by imagining how I would feel in the same situation and vice versa.

I am tired of White people saying why it’s always about race! It shows a lack of cultural and historical knowledge, when these words are uttered and saying you have Black friends means what?! Imagine being Black and walking in my shoes, then answer your own question.

The rioting saddens me. However, some don’t understand the need for change until their almighty dollar is impacted. Maybe a store owner will stop racial profiling Black customers after seeing his or her store in ruins. Maybe what rises up from the ashes will be a better Ferguson – a better America. Stay tuned. IMG_5495.JPG

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Loss – In Three Parts

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Damaged Heart

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 It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything. Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

When we think of the word loss we immediately think something negative has happened, or something negative is going to happen. These thoughts have some truth. However, have you ever paused to fully analyze who you are because of the loss?

Loss doesn’t always have to be negative. There are times loss compels us to change things about ourselves and our lives. Loss can cause us to reassess our character and change for the better. Loss brings others into our lives that we may have never known cared about us, or that we could help.

When we suffer loss, we have two choices: succumb to the loss or fight! A loss requires us to fight for our lives, families, beliefs and values. A loss will help you see who you really are, and determine if you’re happy with the reflection you see in the mirror.

Take a moment and reflect: what did you learn from the loss? What did you learn about yourself from the loss? How are you better today? Who have you helped because of what you learned from your loss?

You’re cute, but…

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compliment

 

I am rendered speechless by those who are unable to compliment someone else without providing shade at the same time.  Why is it so difficult to just say a compliment without adding shade?  We have all heard these type of compliments.  I like her hair, but I don’t like that color.  That outfit is cute, but it should be a different color.  Her shape is nice, but she’s too skinny.  She has a cute face and she would be even cuter, if she wasn’t overweight.  She’s so beautiful, no homo!  Which leads me to trying to understand the purpose of adding “no homo”  after a compliment.  You’re not secure enough in who you are that you are afraid the person you are paying the compliment will think you are a homosexual.  I will never add “no homo” to any compliment I give to another woman, and I won’t provide any disclosures of not being interested as I compliment men.  Providing a compliment does not mean you want the person being complimented sexually.  If someone who is paid a compliment has delusions of being wanted sexually by the complimenter, I have s star that is currently in the galaxy to sell them!

The next time you pay someone a compliment don’t add anything negative to the compliment – just end the sentence.

 

Shout Out To Racists!

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Before Civil Rights, an individual’s feelings about racism were evident in their actions and the words he or she stated.  People freely stated how they felt about minorities and minorities were aware of those feelings.  Those feelings led to our parents being told they had to be better at everything.  We had to out read, run, shoot, spell everyone else.  Affirmative Action came on the scene to level the playing field.  Minorities were being held back simply due to the color of their skin.  Affirmative Action allowed a qualified minority an opportunity.  Racism seem to go underground.  It wasn’t advantageous to let racist feelings be known by others.  As a result, racism became difficult to detect or uncover as a reason for not being hired, or afforded an opportunity.

Fast forward to 2014 and there seems to be an increase in racist statements being uttered publicly.  I read about Cliven Bundy last week.  He was quoted in the New York Times as wondering aloud “if Blacks were better off as slaves.”  Feel free to click on his name to read the entire story.  Then, a tape was released of Donald Sterling discussing his displeasure with his girlfriend being seen with Black people.  Click on his name to hear the entire 15 minute tape.  A few months ago Richard Sherman experienced racist comments directed at him after he trash talked after a NFL game.  It seems we are coming full circle in publicly stating racist views.

Well, I wanted to give a shout out to all racists!  I’m shouting you out because I appreciate you taking the sheet off your head and revealing yourselves!  I’m glad you are letting us know how you really feel.  Now, no one else has to assume or think you’re racist.  You let the world know your heart!  I had someone tell me recently that you can discriminate against people in hiring, but you have to find a “legal” reason not to hire the individual.  Even though you will know the real reason the person was not hired.  I was speechless!  This person spoke the very actions of so many, and sadly we are unable to reveal the real reason.  However, when the racist utters his or her racist statements publicly, they do the rest of us a favor!  We know who they are and where they really stand.  We know who not to support with our money.  A rich racist only understands profits and losses.  For this reason, we need to help your economic understanding.

Keep revealing your racist self.  Shout out to all racists!

 

 

I Choose!

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I love this song!  This song speaks volume about the opportunity we have been given to choose.  A price tag cannot be placed on the value of our power to choose.  It is awesome to know that who our parents are, what town/city we come from, or even how much money our parents had doesn’t determine our power to choose.

We have the power to choose our destiny!

So many suffer from the “blame syndrome.”  They never take responsibility for their actions.  They would rather say it’s someone else’s fault.  Well, I am writing to let it be told that, if we are not where we want to be in life, it’s our fault!  The days of living in the past and saying shoulda, coulda, woulda are over!  It’s time to carpe diem – seize the day!  Choose right now to set your life on a course of greatness.  When you epitaph is given what will be said about you?  The life you choose to live will dictate your legacy.

It’s time to choose!  Choose as India.Arie says in the song to be the best that you can be.  I CHOOSE!

For My Daughter…

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I was thinking about a letter I wrote to my daughter in 2007, before she went to college.  I asked her for this letter, and then remembered I kept a copy of my flash drive.  This letter continues to be timely, and maybe it will inspire you to have a much needed conversation with your children, or maybe you need some inspiration.  There are some grammar errors in this letter, but I decided to not change anything about the letter.

August 13, 2007

9:28PM

Kendra,

Where do I begin?  It seems like yesterday you were biting people at church (lol)!  The years have gone by so fast.  Who would have thought we would be at this time so quickly in your life??  I am so happy and excited for you!  This is a major milestone in your life.  Off to college.

I am typing this letter to you because I want you to keep it and reflect on it those times when you may seem to forget what you focus is for going to college.  When temptation is presented and you don’t know if you can resist the temptation.  Grab this letter and read it quickly!  There are so many things I want to tell you.  Some last minute “nuggets” to help you along the way.  Well, here goes:

IF YOU DON’T REMEMBER ANYTHING I HAVE TAUGHT YOU, REMEMBER THESE TOP 10 THINGS:

10.  Be true to yourself – Don’t let anyone stop you from being who you are.  Don’t wear mask or be phony – be Kendra.

9.  Have fun – you will have to have a balance between fun and school.  Too much fun will be reflected in your grades. Too little fun and you will not be a happy person.  You have to figure out that balance for yourself.

8.  Boyfriends – I know you feel you are in love.  Well, remember that you have to put love in perspective.  Anyone who wants to be with you will understand the need for you to get off the phone, the computer, whatever means you all communicate.  That person will be happy for you and be content in the fact that when it’s all said and done you are still with them.  Any boy that doesn’t have your best interest at heart is not worth your time.  Any boy who has no goals or aspirations to achieve success is not worth your time.  You need someone who shares the same goals, aspirations and dreams that you have for life.

7.  Sex – We have talked about this subject.  For the record I will state my stance – no sex until you are married.  If you decide to have sex, I pray you weigh out the consequences and see if that moment is worth your future.  That’s all it takes is one mistake and your entire future can be altered.  You say you want to be a doctor.  Well, you have to live your life like you want to be a doctor.  There will be plenty of time to have sex when you get married.  There’s nothing like being able to have as much sex as you want and not have to be concerned about the risk of pregnancy, disease or death.  It’s never to late to decide to abstain.  Anytime you want to you can decide that you are going to wait until you are married to have sex.

6. Friends – everyone is not your friend or will want to be your friend.  People will dislike you because you are beautiful and smart.  Recognize when people are trying to use you.  Get to know people before you share your private information.  Don’t let people in your room until you feel you can trust them.  I say meet them in the lounge.  Some people will want to come into your room just to see what you have.

5.  Alcohol – Don’t ever leave a drink sitting and come back and drink it. I don’t care who is sitting there.  When I say drink I mean any type of drink.  Never drive after drinking.  Don’t ride with anyone who has had a drink. Don’t trust your life to anyone who has had any alcohol.  I don’t care how “okay” they may seem.  Don’t take a chance.

4.  Seat belt – WEAR IT!

3.  Intuition – If you feel something isn’t right, even if you don’t understand it; follow your intuition.  If you feel like you shouldn’t go a certain way, don’t.  If you feel like you shouldn’t do something, don’t.  Follow your intuition.

2.  Classes – If you don’t understand something – ask!  This is money we are spending to get a good education!  Make that teacher earn every dime.  Don’t wait until test time to say you don’t understand.  Get the help you need ASAP.  Get to know people.  If you need a study group, take the initiative and form one; because if you need help there is probably someone else who needs help too.

1.  God – You’re going to need Him!  Pray as much as possible.  Let Him lead and guide you.  He won’t lead you wrong.  God is the key to you being successful.  He said “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.” Take your Bible with you.  Read it!  Go to church as much as you can.  Church is where you will gain the strength you need to make it.  You need to give God 10% of your time, just like you give him 10% of your money.  You owe Him that!

I am here for you. You can tell me anything.  Don’t ever forget that!  I love you and I am going to miss you.  I’m sad but I’m happy for this next phase of your life.  So many people are in your corner and cheering you on.  I’m sure you can tell from all the gifts and money you received.  People are praying for you to be successful.  I don’t want you to get sidetracked.  Stay focused.  I don’t want you to have to come home because you made a bad decision that alters your future.  Every decision you make now affects your very future.  Please remember that.  Before you do anything, think about the positive and negative consequences.  If it’s too many negatives, it’s not worth it!

You are beautiful, gifted, talented and intelligent!  You are going to be successful!

I will be praying continuously for you!

Much love,

Your Mom.

What do you wish your parents had told you before you left home?

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Good Girls Finish Last!

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Where are my good girls? You know who you are… Good girls are the girls who try their best to do everything the right way. Good girls are the ones who were taught right from wrong and how to act appropriately in all situations. Good girls are the ones who may have had the title “church girl” attached to their description. We had to go to church, get good grades, sing in the choir, be on the usher board, etc. The list can go on and on.

Well, somewhere along the way, we decided we wanted to be like everyone else: go to the club, have a drink, even have sex before marriage. What happens to the good girls, when they do those things? The good girls always seem to get caught up! The good girls are the ones that get pregnant and have the baby. The good girls are the ones that may have something bad happen to her, while she’s “out there in them streets.” The good girls come full circle. We return to our first teachings and roots. We take our child (package) with us and do things the way we were taught to do them. When we return we may have some baggage, and maybe even a little more cynical; but we return.

You may ask why she is saying good girls finish last. Finishing last in this situation works in our favor. Yes, we have made some mistakes, but now we are better, stronger and wiser. We are ready to be uncompromising in what we want, and we are more appreciative of the blessings we receive.

We finish last because we choose to wait for what’s best for us. We see through all the mess and choose to wait for what’s best for us in every aspect of our lives. In our waiting we are shaped and molded into a better woman. This better woman, the good girl, she finishes last.

She receives everything God has designed for her, and she can say with a smile on her face – GOOD GIRLS FINISH LAST!

10 Things I’m Too Old To Do…

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I posted this on Facebook several months ago.  I’m posting this on my Blog as a reminder to myself and others.

10. Lie – grown folks ain’t got no business doing that (yes, I said ain’t got no!)

9. Wear rachet clothes fashions 

8. Being seen in the same club with my children! (Absolutely not)

7. Bad work attendance (seriously)

6. Blaming others for my shortcomings

5. Cheating – go sat your old tail down!

4. Facebook drama (go cap lock @ work!)

3. Stalking my man’s FB, Twitter, Instagram while sneaking in his phone while he sleep! (Private eye much!)

2. Teething (this wisdom tooth kicking my butt)

1. Play with God!