Category: Relationships

I’m Sick & Tired!

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I’m sick and tired of people trying to tell me to get over it and deal with it he’s the president.
I’m sick and tired of hearing give him a chance. Who did he give a chance? Did he give Pres. Obama a chance? Did he try to facilitate positive change in our country? Did he give people that look like me a chance? Did he give women a chance? No he didn’t!
I’m sick and tired of  hearing it’s not that serious. You’re making a big deal out of nothing. When I heard Lil Hands state over and over he’s going to “make America great again,” while attempting to fill his cabinet with mega rich, predominantly White males who have little if any experience in the areas they are being nominated; it’s a big deal! When known White supremacist are being placed in key positions that can only “make America outwardly racists again,” it’s a big deal!

I’m sick and tired of hearing he’s all citizens of the United States president. I’ll still be shouting he’s not my president! I didn’t vote for him. We don’t share the same basic truth that all men and women are created equal. How can two walk together except they agree? It would be one thing if our differences in opinions were just politics. However, that’s not the issue. We don’t agree on foundational morals and ethics. Cheetoh Man has serious character flaws, and clearly he’s not willing to change because he’s always right!
I’m sick and tired of my own people. We complain, but don’t include a solution for our complaint. We allow the dollar to rule our decision making, when we should take a stand. In the face of opposition we can look through history and read where our people took a stand. They stood for something that mattered! Where is that today? Yet, these are the type of people we allow our children to emulate.

I’m sick and tired, yet I’m more determined than ever to be an instrument of change. I’ll talk about what I’m committing to do in my next post.

There’s Always A Lesson 

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As 2016 comes to an end, I reflect on the lessons I’ve learned about myself and others. These lessons have been eye openers. Each lesson has caused me to grow, made me stronger and continued to shape me into the woman I am right now.
I realize that even though these lessons hurt I am not mad at anyone. It is what it is. I sleep well at night because I treat people the way I want to be treated. As difficult as it has been, I have remained consistent in how I treat others.

The lessons I’ve learned are in no particular order of importance. However, each lesson has defined me and played a significant role in my most recent development.

When I need encouraging, I have to encourage myself. As much as I have encouraged others, I didn’t receive that in return. I had some valley experiences that I had to encourage myself because that same gift I have to recognize when others need encouragement wasn’t operating in the lives of those that I encountered on a daily basis. Encouraging myself caused me to rely more on God than people.

It doesn’t matter how nice I am to others, there will always be someone that doesn’t like me. I used to care. I used to wonder why doesn’t this person like me, what could I do to make him or her like me or what did I do to cause him or her not to like me? This past year I’m over caring about how others feel about me. I can’t be responsible for someone else’s feelings. I’m going to be me.

People that I considered my friends did not feel the same way about me. This lesson was a shock to my system, and begin to cause me to build a familiar wall of protection around myself. This wall would lead to me separating myself from others.

As I was taking a shower one morning, God reminded me that He made me different from others. That difference is what allows me to be so transparent and open to others. This realization destroyed the wall, and replaced it with a greeter assurance of who I am.

This year has included some ups and downs, but I won’t complain. I’m still here. I lived, I learned and I grew. I’m looking forward to 2017 with great expectation!

46 Life Lessons I’ve Learned…

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Today is my birthday and I was reflecting on the life lessons I’ve learned over the past 46 years. All of these lessons have truly molded and shaped me into the woman I am today.

These life lessons are not listed in order of importance, and there’s a story behind each lesson.

1. I have to love myself.

2. I’m my own Stan (fan)!

3. Sometimes I have to encourage myself.

4. God has to be a priority in my life.

5. Family is important.

6. Treat others the way I want to be treated.

7. Forgiveness frees me.

8. I can do bad by myself.

9. I know my worth.

10. Common sense will get you further than book sense.

11. Don’t lie.

12. Integrity is important.

13. Word is bond.

14. Be careful of the company you keep.

15. Be a good friend.

16. It’s not always about me.

17. Karma is real.

18. My husband is my best friend.

19. Happiness is a choice.

20. My life has purpose.

21. Hell is real.

22. Be authentic.

23. Live a life without regrets.

24. Stress kills.

25. Be informed 

26. A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

27. Read on a regular basis.

28. Be open to constructive criticism.

29. Travel as often as I can.

30. Invest in myself.

31. Enjoy life to the fullest.

32. Pray.

33. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

34. Cultivate friendships 

35. Don’t let anyone misuse me.

36. Be honest.

37. Laugh often

38. Have a sense of humor.

39. Don’t be judgmental.

40. It okay to say I’m sorry.

41. Everybody will not like me.

42. Sex is good.

43. Be a good parent.

44. Be trustworthy.

45. Don’t go to bed angry.

46. Eat something you’ve never eaten before.

Cheers to these life lessons, and I can’t wait for the next 46 more! Happy Birthday to me!

Korryn Gaines

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All I’m saying about Korryn Gaines is treat Black women the way you treat White women in these situations. Look at this video from 2015 and tell me did she receive equal treatment. 

What irks me even more is Black women are the main ones showing zero empathy or compassion, but without any hesitation support a Black man without knowing the full story. 

Why do Black women find it easier not to support each other?! #korryngaines #sayhername

Police and White Woman

Pet Peeve #1

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I’m doing a series of vlogs to share my pet peeves.  I’m posting them in no particular order.  Each one shares equal importance of being on my list of topics that will illicit an emotional response from me that I say is passionate, and some may say is anger.  We can debate the emotion expressed forever, but these are my pet peeves.


Do you have any pet peeves?

More pet peeves to come…

Life Lesson From A Six Year Old

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My daughter and I were discussing politics with my granddaughter. My granddaughter wouldn’t listen to us telling her she wasn’t old enough to vote. My daughter kept messing with her until my granddaughter calmly said TCOB.
We immediately asked, “What is TCOB?” She said, “Take Care of Your Own Business.” We laughed! I asked her, “Where did you learn that?” She said, “From my teacher at school. That’s what we say when somebody is in our business.” I said, “When you say TCOB, what does the person do?” She said, “They get out of your business.”

What an awesome life lesson for a six-year-old! She’s already learning to mind her own business, while keeping people out of her business. She’s being taught how to positively communicate what could be considered negative feedback to some.

Taking Care of Your Own Business requires focus and determination. If I’m taking care of my business, I don’t have time to focus on your business.

The next time someone tries to be in your business just tell them

Friends – How Many Of Us Have Them?

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I’m convinced that a lot of people don’t know how to be a friend. They don’t understand the actions or inactions of a friend. Essentially, if asked to describe what a friend looks like, they would fail.

Let me tell you what a friend is not. A friend is not someone that has to pledge allegiance only to you. A friend is not someone that has to dislike who you dislike and like who you like. These mean girl terms of friendships should’ve disappeared when we left elementary school. It’s unfortunate that some of us are still mean girls. We are frozen in time and have yet to mature into adulthood.

My BFF and I rarely have a phone conversation. We send random text from time to time. However, when we are fortunate to get together, it’s as if we have never been apart. The conversation continues like we have always been talking. I know that she has my back and I have hers. There’s no denying our bond

If you have friends or friends, you are fortunate. Treasure and cultivate those friendships. Don’t take them for granted. Some of you may wonder do you have any friends. Here are five signs that the people you are hanging with are not your friends.

1. They let you walk around all day with a visible booger in your nose for everyone to see.

2. They don’t tell you your breath stinks, or that you have a foul body odor.

3. They talk about you negatively to others.

4. They know you need a fashion makeover, but they just continue to let you look a hot mess in public.

5. They don’t tell you the truth. They would rather let you think you are right instead of calling you out on your foolishness.

If you have people in your life that fit these “friendship” signs, you need to let those people go. They are harmful to your positive growth. They are not adding any value to your life.

Whodini’s lyrics to the song “Friends” provides a great conclusion to defining a friend.  Here’s just some of the lyrics:

Friends, how many of us have them?

Friends, ones we can depend on

Friends, how many of us have them?

Friends, before we go any further

Lets be friends

Is a word we use everyday

Most the time we use it in the wrong way

Now you can look the word up, again and again

But the dictionary doesn’t know the meaning of friends

And if you ask me, you know, I couldn’t be much help

Because a friend is somebody you judge for yourself

Some are okay, and they treat you real cool

But some mistake kindness for bein’ a fool

We like to be with some, because they’re funny

Others come around when they need some money

Some you grew up with, around the way

And you’re still real close too this very day

Homeboys through the summer, winter, spring and fall

And then there’s some we wish we never knew at all

And this list goes on, again and again

But these are the people that we call friends

Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/whodini/friends-lyrics/#Juo467wHjoTCvX8u.99

Do You Wanna Be Happy?

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When I found this meme, it resonated with the core of my being. We live in a world where some people place their happiness in the hands of others. Why would a person choose to allow someone else to have that much power over them? I want to make sure I understand: How the person feels or treats you controls your happiness?! I refuse to allow anyone that much power over me!

We watch movies, videos and TV; and believe that another’s love makes us happy. We buy into the false reality we see in the media and believe statements like:

I can’t live without you.

I can’t breathe without you.

You complete me.

As long as I have you, I’m happy.

  
Guess who’s responsible for your happiness? You are! It’s selfish of you to make me or anyone else responsible for your happiness. I’m trying to handle my happiness. Do you want to know why you are responsible for your happiness? Because you’re accountable for your actions and inactions. 

 
It’s easy to make someone else responsible because then you are able to play the “blame game.” It’s always someone else’s fault. No, it’s your fault! You own your happiness. If you’re not happy, it’s time for self-reflection. It’s time to ask yourself some difficult questions and be man or woman enough to acknowledge what’s hindering your happiness.

Here’s my Happiness Plan:

1. Self-reflection: Time to determine why happiness eludes me.

2. A Plan: What am I going to do to be happy? Write it down. Create a vision board.  

3. Make it happen: Put your plan in action.

Let me know how my plan works for you. I can’t wait to read your happiness reports!

*I am not the creator of the above memes and was unable to locate the creators to provide proper acknowledgement*

Where’s Our Support?

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Black women know what it means to struggle. We struggle with the various roles we play in our lives and the lives of others. We struggle with that S for Superwoman that has been placed on our chests. A lot of times we place that S on our chests, and then there are times others place that S on our chests. Even after we successfully navigate through each day for ourselves and our families, I’m still amazed at those who treat us like we are second class citizens.

Well, second class citizens is a stretch. We are treated like we don’t have any rights. It saddens me that we feel the harsh sting of this treatment from our own Black men. I’m used to other races treating us inferior, but to be treated inferior by Black men upsets me.

You ask me why does this upset me? I’ll tell you why. Black women have always been supportive of Black men. We work and take care of our homes when Black men can’t or won’t take care of our homes. We take care of our Black children when Black men can’t or won’t take care of our children. We are the ones that give you that second, third and fourth chance, when you mess up. So, where’s our support?

Oh, you may say we have supported Black women. Have you? As a majority have Black men supported us? Oh, you will use us for what we have to offer, but where’s our support?

Where’s the support when we are being killed by the police? Where’s the marching and the public outcry by Black men? Where’s the support when another Black man hits us? Why do you turn your head and say it’s not your problem, or say that’s what she gets? Where’s the support when we are being sexually degraded in music lyrics or made fun of about our looks? Where’s the support when we are being called bitches and thots?

When are Black men going to speak up as a majority and say you will respect Black women?! You will not place your hands on a Black woman! I will not be a part of a conversation that degrades Black women.

Oh we struggle, but one area we don’t struggle with is supporting Black men. Where’s our support?