Fathers – A Lasting Impression 

  
I was getting ready for work this morning and I began to think about my dad. As my birthday is fastly approaching, I wondered what would my dad think of me. I wondered would he like the person I have become, and would he be pleased with my morals and values.  

Then, I thought of one of my most vivid memories of my dad. I had to be four or five years old. I was living in Henry Horner projects – 1847 W Lake St, Apt. 806. I still remember. It was in the winter time and I was standing in front of my school. My mom had bundled me up and no one else was standing in front of the school. I realize now she must have dropped me off early to make it to work.

 
This man pulled up in a car and called my name. I went to the car and he said, “do you remember me?” I nodded my head and said, “Yes, you’re my daddy.” He had me get in the car to stay warm and he talked to me until it was time to go into the school. He told me he hadn’t seen me in a while, but that was going to change. I later found out I wasn’t seeing my dad because of my evil stepfather, but that’s another story.

Father’s make a permanent impression on their children. The time you spend holding your children when their babies, allowing them to sleep on your chest, feeding, bathing and all the other quality time you spend with them makes a difference. Even though time had passed, I knew “that man” was my daddy.

After my dad passed, I got a tattoo over my heart that says “Daddy’s Lil Girl.”  My dad always called me “daddy’s lil girl.” I was in my twenties and my dad was still calling me his “lil girl.” The special bond I had with my father has kept me grounded. When I feel like fighting as my mom would do, the peacemaking spirit I received from my dad prevails. My dad was the first man that loved me unconditionally. He showed me what unconditional love from a man looks and feels like.  

This is a call to action for father’s everywhere. I pray it’s not too late for you to make memories with your children that will help you leave a good permanent impression on your children. What do you want your children to say about you? Do you want them to remember you with good feelings, or do you want them to learn the hard way that you failed as a father. I plead with you to make a renewed commitment to your children and be the great father your children need you to be in their lives. 

Happily Ever After Can Be Your Reality

  
Just look at us on the left so young, so in love and so happy! That picture was before marriage, children, responsibilities, trials, temptations and disagreements. Now, look at us on the right.  

We have raised children, bought a home, handled our responsibilities, navigated through our differences and disagreements and successfully been married almost 29 years.  

Yes, there are days I want to trip him, and I’m sure there are days he wants to muff me upside the head, but we still love each other. If I had to do it again, I would marry the same man. You may ask how we have remained happy with each other. I want to share six points that has helped us along the way.
1. Never Go To Bed Angry – Make every effort to resolve all disagreements before going to bed. Allowing disagreements to fester leads to bitterness and can ultimately lead to divorce.

 2. Always Give 100% – If each person gives 100%, the couple always has 100%.

3. NEVER Withhold Sex – Yes, I said it! Sex shouldn’t be used as a weapon. Withholding sex from one another drives a wedge between the couple, and provides an opportunity for intimacy to be broken in the marriage.

4. Make Time For One Another – As the children and responsibilities come, continue to make time for each other. One day the children will grow up and leave, and you don’t want to wake up and realize the person lying next to you is now a stranger.
5. Do Not Sleep Apart – If you’re in the same house, sleep together. Sleeping apart creates distance between you, and distance is not something you want in your marriage. 

6. God Must Be First – God must be first in your marriage. Allow Him to lead and guide you. He will be needed in your marriage.

Negative Nellies

Negative Nellies

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We all know them, and may even consider some of them our friends.  We have some in our families, on our jobs and we encounter these type of people in our daily lives – Negative Nellies!  Negative Nellies seem to embody negativity.  No matter what you say positive, they will counter with something negative.

I had a conversation with my niece yesterday, and she was excited about applying for a job in a different career field.  This particular position offers more money and will require working some hours she has not previously worked.  She shared her excitement with two of her friends, and her friends had only negative comments to share.  The friends didn’t share anything positive or even attempt to encourage her in her quest for a different career path.  She contacted me and I encouraged her.

If we are not careful Negative Nellies can drain all of our positivity, and cause us to question our choices. Eventually, we could become a member of the Negative Nelly group.  What can we do to rid ourselves of Negative Nellies?

  • Confront negativity – be willing to have a constructive conversation with the Negative Nellies in your life that will hopefully lead to a positive change in their negative talk.
  • Use affirmations and positive quotes to assist in maintaining your positivity.
  • Be willing to make the difficult decision to remove Negative Nellies from your circle.

Are you ready to remove the Negative Nellies from your life?  It won’t be easy, but I believe you can do it!

Daddy, I Have A Lot To Tell You

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Daddy,

Since you’ve been gone, so much has happened. I almost don’t know where to begin. After you passed, I still expected the phone to ring and you to say how’s daddy’s little girl; even though I was fully grown with a husband and children of my own. Almost every day I think about you. When I look in the mirror, I see you. I see you in my children and even in my granddaughter.

That’s right!! I didn’t have the opportunity to tell you about all of the life changes. Kenny and Kendra are grown, and Kenny has a daughter. Kendra is married! Kwinton is grown and still trying to find his niche.

I earned my MBA in 2005, and you know I love school, so I’m working on another degree. You would’ve been so proud to attend all of our graduations and special events that have happened, since…

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Racism & Hatred

  

Last night there was breaking news of a church shooting in Charlotte with little details.  This morning we wake up to the awful reality that a young, White man decided to enter a church, and after sitting for an hour (the unconfirmed report) stood up and allegedly said “I came to shoot Black people” and proceeded to do just what he said he came to do.  This is a horrific display of racism and hatred!

Since this tragedy, the above picture has bee my face.  I can’t bring myself to smile.  I must admit I am angry and said to a few people via text, I don’t want to look at any White people today! I know my coworkers haven’t done anything to me, but this was my genuine feeling.  It took me awhile to focus on my daily work.  I couldn’t stop thinking about the senselessness of this crime. I felt like those murdered where my family. 

I already knew the media would portray this young man as having a mental issue.  Just look at the pictures being posted of him.  The pictures make him look disturbed.  The media wants to induce us into a coma of believing this was simply a mentally disturbed young man, who just randomly went into Mother Emanuel AME Church last night.  However, that’s not true!! A young man, who hated Black people, chose a Black Historic landmark in Charlotte to display his hatred.

We are living in turbulent, traumatic times and we need to stop drinking the arsenic laced kool-aid that says racism is dead, and we have proof because we have a Black president.  Our children can go anywhere they want and be anything they want to be in life.  The only thing holding Black people back is their laziness and they want a handout!  Hogwash!  Have you viewed the news lately?  Have you read any articles lately?  Have you read any racist social media post lately?

Racism is alive and well, and racists are showing and telling us every day just how they really feel and we have some that are willing to even kill us to prove how much they hate us.  Wake up people!  We have work to do!

You Might Not Need A Smartphone If…

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1. You still don’t know how to turn it on.

2. When your screen goes black, you think your phone is turned off.

3. Your phone is always in the bottom of your bag turned off.

4. You still leave messages on others voicemail saying, “You need to answer your phone!”

5. You have no idea what these are: an apple id, gmail or live id.

6. You say things like, “How many minutes of data do I have?”

7. You don’t know how to access settings on your phone.

8. You don’t know how to download an application.

9. You say I just got this phone to take pictures.

10. Something is always acting up on your phone. Uh, no that’s called user error!

Please do the rest of us a favor and either learn how to use your smartphone, or just return to using a basic phone.

What’s In Your Bag?

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I know.  I know.  You don’t have to say it.  I carry a bookbag to work.  I was doing so good with minimizing the number of lipglosses/lipsticks that were in my bag.  I don’t even know when it happened, but it did. I’m no longer minimizing.  I mean I may change my mind about the lippie I want to wear, so a girl needs choices, right?

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We won’t even discuss the ones that’s not in my bag or the other “stuff” that’s in my bag, but I will say I can be entertained for hours.

When I look in my bag, I recognize several truths about myself:

1.  I love lipgloss and lipstick.
2.  I love to read.
3.  Technology is my friend.
4.  I love to read.

What does the stuff in your bag say about you?

My Holy Grail Hair Products

 

Frequently, I am asked what products do I use on my hair.   During a certain period of time in my natural hair journey,  I was a product junkie and tried a lot of products.   I was searching  for the magic products for my hair. Once I took the time to learn the texture, porosity,  and elasticity of my hair;  I was able to choose the correct products for my hair.

My holy grail products are pictured above,  and every product was purchased with my own money.

I LOVE Body Shop’s Rainforest Moisture Shampoo!  This is one of the few shampoos that I have used that lives up to its name.  When I finish washing my hair, it feel clean and moisturized.  Other shampoos I have used would leave my hair feeling clean, but dry.  This shampoo is a winner!

Curl Junkie’s Beauticurl’s Aragon & Olive Oil Daily Hair Conditioner is the truth!  This conditioner seems to instantly detangle, as well as moisturize my hair.  It can be used as a leave-in conditioner too.

Trader Joe’s Nourish Spa Balance Moisturizing Conditioner is the conditioner I use to co-wash.  This conditioner has great slip and provides a good moisture boost for my hair.  This conditioner is less than three dollars at Trader Joe’s.

Eden BodyWorks Coconut Shea Cleansing CoWash is used for cowashing too.  I love the slip and the moisture it provides to my hair.  When I finish using the cowash, I don’t feel the need to add a leave-in conditioner to my hair.

Oyin Handmade products have been a mainstay in my regimen, since I discovered them in my second year of being natural.  I consistently purchase the Honey Hemp, Hair Dew and Juices & Berries for my hair.  I use the Honey Hemp for cowashing and a leave-in conditioner.  During the summer months, I use Hair Dew for a leave-in and the Juices & Berries as a refresher.

I wasn’t big on deep conditioning.  Since I have my hair colored, I know deep conditioning is essential.  There are two deep conditioners that provide the moisture and restorative conditioning my hair needs:  The Coiffed Cafe Cocoa Conniption and Blue Roze Beauty’s Cocoa Coffee Rhassoul Hair Mask.  These two products may not be available, but the product makers will have comparable products.  I love the chocolate smell of both and my hair feels soft and conditioned, after a treatment with either of these products.

I hope my Holy Grail’s can help you in your search for great products and excellent product makers!

 

Letting Go

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As we end 2014, let’s vow to leave some stuff that didn’t add anything positive to our lives in 2014. We should be tired of allowing people, circumstances and things to hinder our progress. We have to make ourselves a priority and not depend on others to make us a priority. Nobody will care about you the way you do.

Aren’t you tired of blaming others for your circumstance or situation? Don’t you want to make lasting changes that impact you forever? It’s time to just let it go. Whatever “it” may be, it’s time to say no more! Refuse to accept mediocrity and decide to operate with a spirit of excellence in every area of your life. Refuse to live a substandard existence – let it go!

Let go everything that has hindered your growth. Take back the power you have freely given to negative people, past situations and circumstances in your life. Sexual, emotional and mental abuse don’t have any power over you anymore! Financial problems and unemployment have to go!! Health and weight issues – power be gone!!

This post isn’t about making a New Year’s resolution. This post is about closing out 2014 with the determination to not allow what or who hindered you in 2014 to be a factor in 2015. Tell me, what’s the nonfactors you’re leaving in 2014.